Tag Archives: stream of consciousness

That Mango is Fresh

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So, it seems that I have developed a bad habit of verbalizing my constant and ever-flowing stream of consciousness into my conversations with people. I’m pretty sure that while sometimes this can be funny mostly it is annoying. Please accept this blog post as an apology (the title of this post should make it clear to those whom I am apologizing to).

So, in an effort to be less annoying in conversation I thought I might get a little of my typical stream of consciousness out in this blog. You are welcome, or, I sincerely apologize, depending on how you feel. Also, my stream of consciousness is more like the river Nile than a stream. You’ve been warned.

The Nile

Welcome to my consciousness. There might be crocodiles.

The following is an approximation of the thoughts I was having when I went to dinner with my dear friends last Friday and ate some really fresh mango.

They really look pretty  tonight. I wonder if she made that dress or bought it. She is so good at sewing. Should I sew? Can I sew? Do I have the attention span needed to sew? I wonder if I have ADD. Probably not. I might have had more trouble in school if I had it. Is there late-onset ADD? Because I might have that. I wonder how many people go without being diagnosed with diseases they actually have? I bet lots. Lots and lots of sick people who don’t know it. That would be awful. I hope I don’t have a disease I don’t know about. Oh great, now I sound like my Grammy. What did she just say? I’m going to need to take a bite of her dessert. This dinner was so good. I could die happy with a meal like this. I don’t really want to die though. Just a thought. Why did I qualify it was “just a thought” to myself? I know it’s a thought I freaking thought it. Something is definitely wrong with my brain. Yum, this mango is really fresh. Oops, I just said “that mango is really fresh” out loud and interrupted her story. I’m a jerk. You know who else is a jerk?  That guy I saw texting and driving on the way here. Way to put other people in danger douche bag. I can’t believe I got lost on the way here- I’ve been here before. I am getting really sick of my directionally challenged ways. Also, why do I only have a hard time getting around the USA? I never once have gotten lost in East Africa or Europe. Ok, there was that 1 time in Ireland I apparently got on the wrong bus. Although I still think it was the right bus and I should have just asked but I was too humiliated and then I just ended up getting off in some neighborhood and walking around like I knew where I was going. Then I found a cab and just barely had enough money for him to take me to my hotel. I’m so embarrassed. Man, the Chinese food at that hotel was amazing though. I haven’t had Chinese food in a while. This place is probably some of the best Mexican food I have ever had. I’m glad she picked this place. I should come here more often. There was a Hey Cupcake on the way here, I should stop by there later. Those cupcakes are so delicious. I wonder how early they have to get up? I dread waking up early. It’s not that I sleep late, I just don’t like having to get up. I should start working out more though. I miss my daily yoga. Why did I stop? I wonder if it would help my mood at work? Maybe I should try that. I’m so glad it’s a long weekend. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to lay around and watch trashy television and write blog posts. Do I have enough blog ideas for next week? I don’t want to have a bad week, my stats have dropped enough as it is. I hope people aren’t getting bored with my writing. I really need to focus on my book. How am I ever going to get published if I don’t finish it? I’m a failure. No, I’m not a failure, think positive. Ok, time to pay the check.

This is only about a quarter of the things I thought. And I was having a conversation the whole time (although admittedly it was punctuated by some of these thoughts on accident). I would say this is a pretty impressive feat of multi-tasking. Only, I wasn’t really getting anything done.

Sorry to my two beautiful friends! I will really try not to let this happen again. But it might.

And so it begins…

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Taking my cue from one of my most frequent ( and less fanciful) daydreams, I have begun working earnestly on my travel memoir (also known as my first book). The whole thing is written in my mind- when I daydream I do it in detail- it’s just a matter of taking it from my mind (and journal pages) and putting it on my computer. Of course, I also need to edit, organize, and take it out of stream of consciousness (lets be honest, that only worked well for Hemingway) and then voila, my very first book will be completed and the wild success can follow accordingly (ok- so there is still a fair amount of daydream in this…)

Unfortunately, I find myself somehow hitting walls with writing it.  It’s not writer’s block, I know exactly what I want to write, it’s more along the lines of writer’s laziness. I have never thought of myself as lazy,never once been accused of laziness, but I’m not sure what else I could possibly call it, I literally don’t want to open my computer and type. The story is all there- and I can’t seem to force it into actualization, something concrete to send to publishers, and I’m not sure why. Psychological issue perhaps? Something like self-fulfilling prophecy, or fear of rejection. Probably not, I think it’s more about being afraid that once I actually attempt what I have been imagining for more years than I would admit, that I won’t be able to daydream about it anymore. Because if I am rejected by every publisher, then how can I possibly continue dreaming about a Pulitzer? I guess I just feel very protective over my dreams, which is kind of bizarre.

But, you know, I have a lot of daydreams. It certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world if I lost one to reality. There will, after all, always be plenty of things to occupy my imagination, and if I happened to get lucky and this dream were to end up being even better in reality than in my imagination, then it would have been worth all the worry and writing struggles. Aha.  Excuse me, I have a book to finish………….