Not like the Titanic. It’s more like a ship that is sinking but has the chance of somehow miraculously finding a way to stay afloat but probably won’t…but it might. My mission as captain (and might I add that I make for a striking ship captain) is to find that miracle glue or flotation device that prevent the ship from going under. Yet, every time I think I find that miracle it turns out to be imaginary ( I would say it turns out to be a mirage but that would totally be mixing metaphors). I can’t grasp a solution and now all I’m left to do is ponder what drowning feels like. Metaphorical drowning i.e. never being able to find another job in my profession, never finishing my book, never, never, never, anything. Does anyone have glue that would hold a sinking ship together?
I live a large part of my life in daydreams. So occasionally my reality is tainted by my imagination and I am always completely stunned at the contrariness of the two. My imagined life is extraordinarily extraordinary, my real life is quiet and ordinary, not bad certainly and happy definitely, but inevitably less than imagined. Alas. What is a contrary girl to do? Something, I just have to do something. The difficulty lies in the sheer amount of things I have imagined myself doing- writing a wildly unexpected and successful novel, becoming an artsy pianist a la Regina Spektor, catching a serial killer, winning a Nobel Peace Prize, discovering there really is a Narnia…and a million other things I’ve daydreamed myself doing that probably won’t (or can’t) ever be done, at least not by me.
But then again…sifting through the more absurd and unrealistic dreams (Oh, Narnia if only you really did exist!) I find myself wondering why I haven’t considered the possibility that a least a few of these imaginings are, in fact, possible. Why have I always assumed never? Never is, after all, an awfully long time- it seems to me that logically there are very few things that will never happen. So, I’m going to try, at least make an attempt, at being the extraordinary me of my daydreams or countrarywise my daydreams are going to make an attempt at being me.