Tag Archives: laughter

That Mirror I Was Dancing In?? Yeah, It Was A Window.

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This is a true story. I don’t know why I felt the need to preface it as a true story, I just did. You really won’t have any trouble believing this of me at all. In fact, if anything, you will be surprised it hasn’t happened before this. So it goes.

Now, we have already established that I know I’m not invisible in my car. I don’t care if people see me dancing/driving anymore. I got over that embarrassment real quick. Now I take pleasure in knowing that someone’s day was probably made at least a little bit more joyful by seeing me dance in my car. You can’t help but laugh and I was born to make people laugh even at the cost of complete humiliation to myself. If someone gets a good laugh out of it I couldn’t care less if the experience was beyond humiliating to me. I truly am saint-like in that respect.

Anyway, I was in my car and driving/dancing my heart out to Swedish House Mafia (if you like House music at all and don’t know who they are then shame on you. Shame I say!), when I pulled up to my office building. I usually park in the parking garage because that’s where people who work in the building are supposed to park but the oh-so-close to the door visitors parking was just too inviting. I’ll admit it, I parked there. When it comes to close parking, I am no saint. Anyway, the outside of the building is made completely of windows. Windows that look like mirrors from the outside. I know that they are windows. Really, I do. Except, today I forgot that. Today, I felt really sure they were mirrors. And when I pulled up to those mirrors and saw myself dancing in them I couldn’t help but bust a wicked move. And just when I was savoring my frivolity the most, I remembered that those “mirrors” were really windows, and that behind those windows was an office full of people getting the laugh of their lifetime at my dancing. Serves me right for parking in a visitor spot. And though I was extremely embarrassed, I had to take comfort in my life motto which is “Make ‘em laugh.” which I am very very sure I did. You’re welcome office full of people who would have had terrible days if not for me.

On the positive side, every time I look in a mirror I will be reminded of this and probably start laughing. Which might make people around me think that I have really low self-esteem but actually it will just be because I find myself hilarious. Or maybe people will think I’m insane and that will probably make me laugh harder which will make them think I’m really insane. Now that I think about it, nothing bad can come from this experience. But I will definitely park in the garage tomorrow.

Sometimes, I Don’t Have Anything Funny to Say

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Laughter magazine

You know, there are very few times in life when I haven’t had something funny to say. When those rare times come around though, I like to think back on some of the things people have said to me, or things I have heard, or things I myself have said that are humorous and hope it relights the funny fire in me. It’s only Wednesday and this week has already become a giant suckfest. So, in order to try and see the bright side, and to revel a bit in happier times, I have compiled a list (actually it was all in an old journal so I guess it would be more fair to say a past version of me compiled this list a few years ago) I hope you get a laugh out of some of these quotes.

“Looks are 98% of everything.”

I’m not sure what the other 2% is but I think it’s probably gumption.

“Drinking makes us more inclined to recommend ourselves to strangers”

My freshman philosophy professor said this to me. Nietzsche just couldn’t compare.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but….your Mom is a slut!”

I don’t know who said this or how it made its way into my quotes journal. If it was me then I’m somehow proud. If it was someone else, then I’m somehow offended.

“Great, you killed me and now I have nothing to live for.”

My sister brings me joy.

“Why is a Backstreet Boys song applying to my life?? Is it time to kill myself already?”

This one is all me. And it was like they had been watching my life and then wrote a song about it. Of course, the song came out before it applied to my life….maybe they have a time machine. Those boy band guys did make a lot of money; I bet they could totally afford a time machine.

“Ah, the sun. Nature’s prozac.”

Another one of mine. Although I’m pretty sure I have heard my Mom say this as well. I should probably copyright some of this stuff.

“That is so unparallel, it’s perpendicular.”

I didn’t say this. I wish I had. But I’m not really that good at math.

“Oh! So you want to play Scientist? Why don’t you just ring a bell and see if I salivate all over myself?”

Courtesy of my Dad, a real-life scientist.

“Me- That guy looks weird.

My Sister- Uh, rude! He’s Canadian.

Me- What?”

This happened. I don’t know what else to say about it.

“I don’t know what to say so I’ll just say what’s in my heart…baboom, baboom, baboom.”

My favorite quote of all time delivered by one Mr. Mel Brooks.

“Stripper poles and male strippers. What’s not retirement about that?”

I love senior adults.

“Way to bitch up the conversation Helen.”

Rev. Lovejoy on the Simpsons. It never fails to make me laugh.

And of course, the quote I need to focus on the most this week, and the one I try to live my life by- “The most wasted of all days, is one without laughter.” E.E. Cummings.

I hope you laughed today.

Exhausted…Must…Blog…

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This has been one douche bag of a week. I’m exhausted but I didn’t want to disappoint my loyal (and possibly insane) readers. So, I thought- you know what we all need? We need a good laugh. But then I realized I was all out of laughs so I thought- you know what we all need? Something to replenish our laughs and end our weeks in a happy although somewhat bizarre way. So here you go, 3 videos that always make me laugh. Also, this is very similar to the types of things that go on inside my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsGYh8AacgY

OK- I’m starting to giggle. (If you’re a guy feel free to chuckle instead)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFCSXr6qnv4&feature=channel

Yes- I’m definitely somewhere between a giggle and a laugh…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaCCkfjPm0o&feature=channel

The laughter is back people!!!!

Happy Friday!!!

I Weebled. I Wobbled. But I Didn’t Fall Down.

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Weeble Wobbles

That’s a lie. I did fall down. I totally ate it. And I hurt myself. I hurt myself bad. I mean, I didn’t break any bones or bleed but I definitely probably will have a bruise.

Nobody saw it happen so I really don’t have to share my humiliation. But I am. You’re welcome. I hope you get a laugh out of this.

Picture it- parking garage at my office. I’m getting out of my car. No. Not anymore. Now, I’m somehow falling out of my car. Half of me is in the car. Half of me is not in the car. I’m in a precarious position here. I’m not sure how to recover from this without hurting myself worse. I’m hanging by a leg. Literally. My right leg (which is still stuck in the car) is the only thing anchoring me. What to do? What to do?

One time, someone told me I just had to let myself fall. I’m pretty sure they meant it to be about love. Probably. But I decided to take that advice and apply it to my current situation. So I fell. And it was embarrassing. I’m embarrassed. Happily, as I mentioned before, no one saw me do it. Although, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure there are cameras in the parking garage. I bet all the security guards who zoom around on their segways are watching me fall over and over again in their little office. Jerks. They should be ashamed. Even though it was definitely really funny. Not to me. But, yeah ok, to me too.

I hope I made you laugh. Keep in mind I literally sacrificed my body to make you laugh so if you aren’t laughing then you are a really bad person.

Do These Things or My Advice Column Post

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Whenever you hear the song “if you’re happy and you know it…” you should always clap your hands. If you weren’t happy then clapping will make you happy. Or get out a little aggression depending on how hard you clap. Either way- it’s a win.

If you are anywhere near funnel cakes, stop and buy one. They are delicious and will make you feel like a child again.

Shave your head. Boy, girl, it doesn’t matter. Liberate yourself from your hair. I mean, I totally won’t do this because I have a lumpy head so I can’t. You understand. But you should totally shave your head. In fact, you should feel sorry for me that I can’t shave my head because you get a bigger share of liberation than I do.

Write a blog. It makes you feel really good. Except when for no reason whatsoever nobody visits your site and then you feel really bad about yourself and your writing. But then the next day lots of people visit and your faith in yourself is restored. Really, it’s like a roller-coaster.

Pretend things. Don’t lie to people because I heard that if you are a liar, liar, then your pants catch on fire. So you definitely don’t want to lie. But sometimes, when you are alone pretend something. I like to pretend that my blog is so clever and funny that one day BBC radio 1 contacts me and begs me to move to London so I can have a weekly radio show and then I do and everybody loves my radio show and happiness ensues. This pretend is just a warm-up to the really big pretending but I can’t tell you about those pretends because I don’t want you to steal my imagination.

Dance a lot. Like a whole lot. To whatever kind of music you want. Even if you’re just sort of jumping around it will make you feel really good. Also, it’s great exercise. My advice is really good for your health.

Use post-its. They are one of the best inventions ever created. They come in lots of colors and keep you organized. I love post-its. If I’m having a really bad day I will write myself a note on a post-it and it’s like getting a kiss from a neon colored angel. Just like that.

Laugh at people you don’t like. Probably not to their faces because then you might start an “altercation” but when they aren’t around totally laugh at them. Instead of dwelling on how angry/frustrated/annoyed/fill-in-the-blank-emotion they made you, just laugh at them. It’s like in Harry Potter when boggarts turn into something you are afraid of and then the way you defeat them is to turn them into something funny and laugh at them. Laughter is how you defeat your enemies too. Pretty much all life lessons come from Harry Potter.

There will be much much more advice. Feel free to ask me any lingering questions about life you may have- I am super good at answering them. I can only make your life better. I will make your life better. Repeat after me, “Girl on the Contrary makes my life better.”

So to end- ” If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!” (You better be clapping).

Immaturity in the Workplace- I Endorse It.

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One time someone told me I was mature. So, if I understand the rules of maturity, that means I get to refer to myself as mature for the rest of my life, because someone else called me that first so it’s not like an ego thing but now I get to own it. I think that’s, like, the first rule of maturity. Probably.

On another note, I acted incredibly immaturely at work yesterday. But since someone else called me mature once I can never be considered immature as whole- I just acted immaturely in this instance. That is the second rule of maturity. Anyway I’m working on a project for a pharmaceutical company and I had to research erectile dysfunction. ED. Impotence. Needless to say, it made me laugh. Like a lot. Every keyword I researched was hilarious- at least it was to me, I mean, I am more than sure it is not at all funny to the men experiencing it. I would like to apologize to them for my insensitivity. The term erectile dysfunction isn’t funny in itself- it sounds too medical to be funny, but all the terms surrounding it are very funny- to me- when I’m being immature. Anyway, I kept being all giggly and I’m sure my boss and everyone else thought I wasn’t really working but it’s like- hey man, if you’re going to assign me (the only women in the office) to the erectile dysfunction project you better be prepared for giggles. Sheesh. The funniest part of the whole thing was that I ended up being super productive and because my giggle juices were flowing I was really happy the whole day. Basically, I have discovered the best way to make people work really hard- give them projects about things that make them laugh. If you use this idea you owe me 3 million dollars. It’s only fair.

In fact, I was in such a good mood that even though I totally thought I was being insulted (which I wasn’t) by a male friend, I didn’t even say anything about it. Usually I call people out on that shiz. This is how the conversation went down (backstory: I have recently been very ill and have lost 15lbs because I was unable to eat anything for 2 weeks, true story)

Friend: You do look a lot better though.

Me: (Inside my head I was pretty sure he was saying I looked better since losing the weight and that I looked grossbuckets before and now that I was starved for 2 weeks I actually looked decent enough to comment on) Oh, Thanks.

Friend: You are definitely acting like you feel better and you have a lot more color than on Monday.

Me: Oh, you meant I look better like healthier not better because I’m skinnier.

Friend: Of course. Sometimes you’re crazy.

Me: Indeed.

I’m so glad I didn’t immediately go on the defensive because I wasn’t even being insulted. Usually I feel pretty sure I’m being insulted so I attack like a mama bear whose cub is being molested by a puma (I don’t know if this actually happens in nature). Anyway laughing at penises all day makes me less defensive about my appearance. And also makes me more productive. I learned a really important lesson today. Immaturity is directly connected to work productivity and general amiability. So really, I owe erectile dysfunction a pretty big thank you.

* Note: I would give you a list of the keywords that made me laugh the hardest but I really believe in doing your own research- stop trying to mooch off my immaturity people.

On This The Day Of My Birth

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What does your birthday mean to you? Why is it such an important day? What  makes us so eager to celebrate and have others celebrate with us? Why is it so important to us that people remember that day?

My birthday was 3 weeks ago (and not today as the title of this blog would have you believe…) and I have been thinking about it quite a bit. It seemed a significant birthday to me, 25, quarter of a century old, but I went into it with low expectations. You see, I had deleted my Facebook account about a month before and I hardly thought that without that reminder anyone would remember. Surprisingly, many of my friends did. Even friends I wasn’t that close with texted or called me with happy wishes. More surprising than that was the fact that my very best friend in the entire world completely forgot. Forgot, and didn’t seem to be that fussed about forgetting. I’m telling you all of this so that you can understand a bit about why my thoughts have turned to birthdays recently. Feeling hurt about my best friend forgetting my birthday led me to question why it was I was so gutted that she forgot. What does a birthday really mean and why do people celebrate them ? When did we, as human beings, begin commemorating our day of birth, and why?

So, I did some research. I love research! It seems that for many cultures the idea of celebrating birthdays with family and friends began as a superstition that evil spirits, demons, etc. were more likely to target you on the anniversary of your birth and so family and friends would gather around you bringing with them all their happy thoughts and well wishes to protect you from the evil things. Due to this, many religions including Judaism and Christianity refrained from celebrating birthdays for centuries because they viewed it as a pagan practice. How far we have come from that, eh? In fact, today very few religious groups hold any particular stance on birthdays, preferring to leave it up to the individuals. That’s it. That’s how birthdays began. Obviously, like Christmas, Christians took a popular pagan practice and morphed it into a tradition based on their own beliefs and values and that is how most of us come to celebrate our birthdays today.  Simple as that.

My birthday has always been made an incredibly special day for me. My family makes me feel loved everyday but that day in particular I feel especially adored. We have celebrated in many different ways, each perfect in it’s own way. I love the presents of course, but I have always felt my birthday meant more than that- it meant spending the entire day with my family and friends. It meant laughter and lots of food and usually a shenanigan or two. It still means that. But after this last birthday it means more, yes, I was hurt by the people who forgot, but I also felt incredibly loved by the people who remembered. Do I have an exact definable reason why birthdays mean so much to us or why it’s so important that people remember? No. But I know they do mean a lot, they are important, but it is more important to celebrate with the right spirit- one that is joyful and thankful for those who remembered and not downhearted because of those who forgot- the right spirit in giving and getting. Yes, a happy spirit is essential, you wouldn’t want those evil spirits for which birthday celebrations were originated taking advantage of you.