One time someone told me I was mature. So, if I understand the rules of maturity, that means I get to refer to myself as mature for the rest of my life, because someone else called me that first so it’s not like an ego thing but now I get to own it. I think that’s, like, the first rule of maturity. Probably.
On another note, I acted incredibly immaturely at work yesterday. But since someone else called me mature once I can never be considered immature as whole- I just acted immaturely in this instance. That is the second rule of maturity. Anyway I’m working on a project for a pharmaceutical company and I had to research erectile dysfunction. ED. Impotence. Needless to say, it made me laugh. Like a lot. Every keyword I researched was hilarious- at least it was to me, I mean, I am more than sure it is not at all funny to the men experiencing it. I would like to apologize to them for my insensitivity. The term erectile dysfunction isn’t funny in itself- it sounds too medical to be funny, but all the terms surrounding it are very funny- to me- when I’m being immature. Anyway, I kept being all giggly and I’m sure my boss and everyone else thought I wasn’t really working but it’s like- hey man, if you’re going to assign me (the only women in the office) to the erectile dysfunction project you better be prepared for giggles. Sheesh. The funniest part of the whole thing was that I ended up being super productive and because my giggle juices were flowing I was really happy the whole day. Basically, I have discovered the best way to make people work really hard- give them projects about things that make them laugh. If you use this idea you owe me 3 million dollars. It’s only fair.
In fact, I was in such a good mood that even though I totally thought I was being insulted (which I wasn’t) by a male friend, I didn’t even say anything about it. Usually I call people out on that shiz. This is how the conversation went down (backstory: I have recently been very ill and have lost 15lbs because I was unable to eat anything for 2 weeks, true story)
Friend: You do look a lot better though.
Me: (Inside my head I was pretty sure he was saying I looked better since losing the weight and that I looked grossbuckets before and now that I was starved for 2 weeks I actually looked decent enough to comment on) Oh, Thanks.
Friend: You are definitely acting like you feel better and you have a lot more color than on Monday.
Me: Oh, you meant I look better like healthier not better because I’m skinnier.
Friend: Of course. Sometimes you’re crazy.
I’m so glad I didn’t immediately go on the defensive because I wasn’t even being insulted. Usually I feel pretty sure I’m being insulted so I attack like a mama bear whose cub is being molested by a puma (I don’t know if this actually happens in nature). Anyway laughing at penises all day makes me less defensive about my appearance. And also makes me more productive. I learned a really important lesson today. Immaturity is directly connected to work productivity and general amiability. So really, I owe erectile dysfunction a pretty big thank you.
* Note: I would give you a list of the keywords that made me laugh the hardest but I really believe in doing your own research- stop trying to mooch off my immaturity people.