The Great Chili Cheese Burrito Quest

Quest accomplished y’all. Quest accomplished. There I was, not even actively questing when my sister and I stopped into a Taco Bell for lunch in Ft. Worth, Texas. My eyes were instantly drawn to an item on the menu “Chili Cheese Burrito $1.29″. It was like in a dream, I questioned whether or not I *was* in fact dreaming. Surely, surely, I was reading the menu wrong. I read it over and over again until it dawned on me- this Taco Bell for really real sold Chili Cheese Burritos. My quest had come to an end.

I’m not going to lie to y’all. I may have gotten a bit overexcited. I may have high-fived my sister more than once. I may have called Captain Thoughtful, all a a-twitter with the excitement of accomplishing my quest. I may have eaten two Chili Cheese Burritos. I may have cried. (I didn’t cry).

Chili Cheese Burrito

This is the face of someone who has completed a quest…and also someone who is eating a burrito.

After 16 years, it was everything I had remembered and more because accomplishment tastes really freaking good. (And so does chili and cheese in a burrito)

You know, I just set this quest for myself like 1 month ago. I am obviously excellent at questing. I may be the world’s best quester and it would be foolish to squander such a gift so…..

Next quest: To find my favorite and therefore the best BBQ in Central Texas.

The Great Chili Cheese Burrito Quest

Lincoln, Nebraska

Lincoln has an awesome state capital building but no CCB.

My quest has officially begun. No Taco Bell will go….unturned?….uncovered?…..un….I’m not really sure what word applies here, but suffice it to say I’ll be visting a lot of Taco Bells in the next year, and so will Captain Thoughtful because he is very supportive of this quest and also has a giant appetite.

Last weekend I visited the Taco Bell in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport. No luck. They didn’t even have the full menu, much less the fabled and elusive Chili Cheese Burrito (or CCB as I will call if from now on due to my typing laziness.) So, that was disappointing. However, quests aren’t mean to be easy so I continued on with high hopes and a growling tummy.

My next stop in the quest was Nebraska. Specifically, Lincoln. There was a Taco Bell less than a mile from our hotel and I immediately had a very good feeling about it. We stopped by after a late night and pulled up to the drive-thru, my heart was pounding as I perused the burrito menu….and……nothing. I mean, they had burritos, but they didn’t have THE burrito, the one burrito to rule them all. You let me down Lincoln, Nebraska Taco Bell.

Later, upon further introspection I realized the “good feeling” I had about the Lincoln Taco Bell could probably have been better classified as “hunger”. I’m going to have to watch out for that in the future.

The quest continues.

Also, it has been suggested that I could just find the recipe and make the CCB for myself but that is obviously the cowards way out of a quest and I’m no coward. Stop making logical suggestions like this to me immediately. They offend my sensibility.

Year 27- I Will Find My Burrito.

I turned 27 on Monday. (That means my birthday is May 14 and you should all write that down and send me things like slap bracelets and chia pets and strange things that may be cursed that you find at antique malls.) 27 seems like the perfect year to undertake a quest. It’s totally a questing year. There was no question as to what my quest would be, there is a thing that I loved and lost when I was 11, it is very clear to me now in my 27th year that I must find that thing again. That thing is a Taco Bell Chili Cheese Burrito.

There are no Taco Bells in the Austin area that serve the chili cheese burrito, but they used to, oh yes, they used to. And I used to feast on this most simple and most delicious of burritos and then suddenly one day they were gone. I have craved them ever since but never been able to satisfy that craving. However, this is my 27th year and my craving will be satisfied! I have heard tales of chili cheese burritos at other Taco Bells, Taco Bells in far away places called “Ft. Lauderdale” and “Columbus”, I will endeavor to travel to these places and seek what is rightfully mine- a long loved and long lost burrito. I may even have two.

Let the great burrito quest of my 27th year commence!!

Not to brag or anything, but I’m also on another quest to find the best BBQ in Central Texas. Yes, that’s TWO quests that I’m on. I have very high expectations for my 27th year, very high indeed.

Goodbye Delicious Friends

French Fries

I just joined Weight Watchers y’all. And while I’m excited to get healthier, I’m also mourning the loss of some of my best food friends. This post is my official goodbye (at least for a while) to those fat-filled amigos of mine.

 Goodbye French fries. You’re probably my best fried friend. I love how salty you are and how no matter how bad my day was, you always managed to cheer me up by letting me consume large amounts of you and then releasing pleasure endorphins into my brain. Boy, we’ve sure had some great times, haven’t we? Remember that time when I was 1 and I choked on you? That didn’t stop us from being the closest of friends for 26 years. I’ll miss you the most.

 Goodbye chips and queso. I will always love you. You’re the best snack turned into a meal that a girl ever had. Thanks for being delicious.

 Goodbye potato chips. It’s true what the ads say, I never could eat just one. That’s why we have to say goodbye. I don’t know how to quit you. (Except in this case when I am quitting you)

 Goodbye cupcakes. So delicious and fluffy and pretty. You were one of my favorite desserts. I loved our special times together, like when I would come home and eat 3 of you while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

 Goodbye chicken nuggets. You’re so tiny and delicious and I will always love you. I’ll always keep the memories we had together close to my heart, like when I dipped you in barbecue sauce.

 Goodbye ranch dressing. I put you on everything. You were always good to me and I’ll never forget what a delicious good accompaniment you are. You taste food on just about everything, never forget that.

Maybe I’ll see my food friends again someday. But probably in smaller portions.

I Can Never Order Pizza Again.

I love pizza y’all. More specifically, I love pizza from Mr. Gatti’s pizza in Austin. And even more specifically, I love Mr. Gatti’s pepperoni rolls. They are like carbohydrate and saturated fat filled rolls of crack. I’m addicted. So addicted, that last night I ordered them for the second time this week and about the fifth time in the last two weeks. Unfortunately, I keep getting the same delivery guy which is awkward because this guy totally knows how frequently I binge eat pepperoni rolls and that’s very intimate information for a stranger to have about you. Usually, I can handle this awkwardness with grace and a large tip, last night however, the awkwardness took a nasty turn.

Me: Hi. 

Pizza Guy: Really? Pepperoni rolls again?

Me: Uh…yeah….I really love those things. 

Pizza Guy: You’re going to have to work really hard to burn all these calories off. 

Me: Uh…..

Pizza Guy: Wasn’t I just here Tuesday?

Me: Yes. I guess I can’t order from y’all anymore. I’m so embarrassed. 

Pizza Guy: Yeah right. I’m sure I’ll see you Saturday night. 

I can never order pizza again. That pizza guy ruined my taste for pizza or pepperoni rolls forever. Or, you know, until Saturday.

Give Me Nachos Or Give Me Death!

Nachos

Here’s the thing. I went to a hockey game last week. Well, that’s not the thing but it seemed strange enough to leave as it’s own sentence. The thing was that I was going with a large group of people and many of those people were cute and uber-smart guys and the game was at dinner-time. Here’s what happened next.

Me: I can’t wait to get some delicious nachos at the game!

They who shall remain nameless: What?! There are going to be lots of cute guys there. You don’t want to have nacho fingers.

Me: You must be kidding me. I would never, never, sacrifice my love of nachos for the love of a man.

They who shall remain nameless: Yeah, but you put lots of jalapenos on your nachos- you’ll have jalapeno breath.

Me: Jalapenos are the best part of nachos. I can’t even believe you’re saying this right now. If I can’t have nachos with lots of fake cheese and jalapenos and have a boyfriend at the same time then I choose nachos. I choose nachos every time.

They who shall remain nameless: Really?

Me: Yes! Give me nachos or give me death. I don’t want a man if it means I can’t eat nachos. It’s like the easiest choice I will ever have to make. Nachos win.

They who shall remain nameless: Fine.

I mean, c’mon. Give up my nachos??? I think not. Not even Mr. Alan Alda could pry my hands away from nachos. What are some of the things you aren’t willing to give-up for love? (Think Meatloaf “I would do anything for love. Anything you’ve been dreaming of. But I won’t do that.)

P.S. Also, as it turns out, I like hockey. Who knew?

This Is How Grown-Ups Eat.

You are never too old for PB&J and a glass of milk. That’s just common sense. BUT- you do have to make some grown-up adjustments. For instance, yesterday I ate a PB&J except instead of peanut butter, I had all-natural almond butter, and instead of jelly, I had orange marmalade. I did have a glass of milk but it was skim milk and also I drank it out of a coffee cup so that if anyone walked by they would think “Wow, coffee. That girl is so grown-up.” Of course, when I made the sandwich, I was singing the Barney peanut butter and jelly song, but that is just standard PB&J making procedure- I wouldn’t know how to make a PB&J sandwich without this song. And then afterward, I started singing the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song. BECAUSE IT WAS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME.


 

 

 

This is how grown-ups eat. Take note children.

Where Can A Girl Get A SnoCone Around Here???

comfort food

This one’s about comfort food folks. Sometimes, when life becomes a suckfest, eating something comforting somehow makes you feel better. I can’t explain it. To be honest, I don’t need an explanation. This is one thing I’m not that curious about. Probably because I’m too busy eating.

SnoCones. I love them. They taste delicious. They remind me of my childhood. And my teenage years. And my adulthood. I eat a lot of SnoCones. Sadly, they are really difficult to find in the winter. Which is probably why so many people get depressed in the winter. That’s logic. And sure, it may really just be a sugar high that I feel when I eat them but I like to think that I really feel better because everytime I eat a SnoCone an angel get’s it’s wings.

Gummi Worms. Do I even need to explain this? Reminds me of being little and not having any worries. So there.

Cotton Candy. Same reason as the gummi worms. Also, it’s pink, which is a nice color.

Tex-Mex. Maybe I love it because I’m from Texas. Or maybe I love it because it’s just like, the best food ever. You be the judge. I will give you a hint though, it’s the second one.

Sour Patch Watermelons. I wouldn’t see a movie without them. Or have a weekend without them. Sweet, sour, delicious, and nutritious. Except they aren’t nutritious. I just said that because it rhymed with delicious. I like rhyming.

Thai Food. When I have a cold or the flu all I want is some spicy Thai soup. Also, when I feel well all I want is some spicy Thai soup. Right now, all I want is some spicy Thai soup. Mmmmm, spicy Thai soup.

Fizzing Skittles. I just discovered these. It’s like a Skittle covered in tiny pop rocks. It’s pretty much the greatest discovery of this generation. You’re welcome future.

Watermelon. I have literally made myself sick on watermelon like 10 times. You would think I would have learned after the first time. Well, I did learn. I learned I love watermelon so much that I don’t care if I make myself sick on it. It just makes me think of summer, and vacations, and beautiful beaches, and Ausin Kite Festival, and sticky messy fingers. All of these things I find comforting- also, I take comfort in the fact that only one of them is weird.

Milk. It makes me feel so wholesome. Also, as you can tell, I eat a lot of candy and never get cavaties. Thank you milk. Thank you.

Do you guys have any favorite comfort foods? Also, does anyone know where I can get a SnoCone in Austin in the winter? And don’t say I can make my own. We all know it’s not the same.

On This The Day Of My Birth

What does your birthday mean to you? Why is it such an important day? What  makes us so eager to celebrate and have others celebrate with us? Why is it so important to us that people remember that day?

My birthday was 3 weeks ago (and not today as the title of this blog would have you believe…) and I have been thinking about it quite a bit. It seemed a significant birthday to me, 25, quarter of a century old, but I went into it with low expectations. You see, I had deleted my Facebook account about a month before and I hardly thought that without that reminder anyone would remember. Surprisingly, many of my friends did. Even friends I wasn’t that close with texted or called me with happy wishes. More surprising than that was the fact that my very best friend in the entire world completely forgot. Forgot, and didn’t seem to be that fussed about forgetting. I’m telling you all of this so that you can understand a bit about why my thoughts have turned to birthdays recently. Feeling hurt about my best friend forgetting my birthday led me to question why it was I was so gutted that she forgot. What does a birthday really mean and why do people celebrate them ? When did we, as human beings, begin commemorating our day of birth, and why?

So, I did some research. I love research! It seems that for many cultures the idea of celebrating birthdays with family and friends began as a superstition that evil spirits, demons, etc. were more likely to target you on the anniversary of your birth and so family and friends would gather around you bringing with them all their happy thoughts and well wishes to protect you from the evil things. Due to this, many religions including Judaism and Christianity refrained from celebrating birthdays for centuries because they viewed it as a pagan practice. How far we have come from that, eh? In fact, today very few religious groups hold any particular stance on birthdays, preferring to leave it up to the individuals. That’s it. That’s how birthdays began. Obviously, like Christmas, Christians took a popular pagan practice and morphed it into a tradition based on their own beliefs and values and that is how most of us come to celebrate our birthdays today.  Simple as that.

My birthday has always been made an incredibly special day for me. My family makes me feel loved everyday but that day in particular I feel especially adored. We have celebrated in many different ways, each perfect in it’s own way. I love the presents of course, but I have always felt my birthday meant more than that- it meant spending the entire day with my family and friends. It meant laughter and lots of food and usually a shenanigan or two. It still means that. But after this last birthday it means more, yes, I was hurt by the people who forgot, but I also felt incredibly loved by the people who remembered. Do I have an exact definable reason why birthdays mean so much to us or why it’s so important that people remember? No. But I know they do mean a lot, they are important, but it is more important to celebrate with the right spirit- one that is joyful and thankful for those who remembered and not downhearted because of those who forgot- the right spirit in giving and getting. Yes, a happy spirit is essential, you wouldn’t want those evil spirits for which birthday celebrations were originated taking advantage of you.