Tag Archives: books

Do NOT Take The Bloggess’ Book To A Graduation Ceremony

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You guys, do NOT take The Bloggess’ book “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” to a graduation ceremony. I am dead serious about this. This might be the best advice I’ve ever given and you should definitely take it to heart.

I know this is good advice, because I did the opposite of it at my cousin’s graduation on Saturday. I took The Bloggess’ book and I read it and I learned an important lesson, which is I should have probably brought a different book to graduation. Maybe one that made me all weepy or introspective of something. What I definitely shouldn’t have done was bring a book that is funny as hell and twice as curse-word laden. And I especially shouldn’t have started reading that book when the President of the University began his speech because while I was trying to stifle my laughter at this exceptionally well written and extraordinarily funny book, the President of the University was talking about struggle, and the Civil Rights movement, and perseverance.

Basically, my laughter made everyone around me think I was a lazy racist. Which, I’m not just for the record. I’m just a girl who chose the wrong moment to start reading a hysterical book written by one of her blogging idols.

Learn from my mistakes friends. Don’t let the world think you’re a lazy racist. Take something a bit more serious to read during your friend’s and family’s graduation ceremonies.

 

I Internalize Fiction

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Fantasy World Map

It has become apparent to me that I internalize the fiction I read and love. The thought suddenly struck me when I noticed a wasps nest outside my apartment door and my very first thought was “Shit. I hope those aren’t tracker jackers.” Which, of course, are genetically mutated wasps that are featured in The Hunger Games. This forced me to consider other things I think and do that are clear indications I’m perhaps getting a little too into the books I love.

I always explore (lock myself into) any wardrobe I’ll fit in.

When I’m scared of something, I attempt to cast a Riddikulus spell at it. Please note, this failed miserably against the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

I think about the things I can carry in my purse that would allow me to survive in desert island situation.

I frequently speak to or at least around trees just in case they turn out to be ents.

I’ve spent a significant amount of time thinking about which class I would most excel in at Hogwarts. (It’s charms)

I would very much like to own a mockingjay pin- just so people know where I stand.

The good news is that I’m quite prepared to live in a dystopian society wherein young wizards are sent into an arena to magically duel to the death but also may get spirited away to a happier, although not always peaceful world, if they stumble into the right furniture or cave and maybe if they make the trees in the arena angry enough they will come to their aid and fight for the good of all mankind. I’m totally prepared for that world.

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor.

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may the odds be ever in your favor

I’m thrilled today because I’m going to see the midnight showing of The Hunger Games and I know it will fill the Harry Potter sized hole in my heart. Thank heavens I have three more movies based on books I love to see me through the next few years. After that, I expect all hell to break loose unless Suzanne Collins or JK Rowling come to the rescue again.

The release of The Hunger Games movie is forcing us all to ask (or re-ask if we’ve read the books) ourselves how would we fare if we were forced to be a tribute? As for me, I see it going one of four ways.

1. I would be so hilarious and charming that no one would want to kill me and I would win by default.

2. I would be so hilarious and charming that everyone would want to kill me and I would be the first to go.

3. I would devise a ludicrous strategy that was just zany enough to keep me alive.

4. I would devise a ludicrous strategy that was just zany enough to backfire and kill me instantly.

 

What about you? How would you fare in the hunger games?

 

A Year In Books- The Final Chapter.

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Last week, I completed the final week in my Year of Books. For those of you who may be new to my blog, last January I made a resolution to read one book a week for every week of 2011. And guess what? I did it! For the first time in my life, I actually fulfilled my New Year’s resolution. It feels good y’all. Real good.

How To Be A Woman

The final book of my Year in Books was How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran. And. It. Was. Mind. Blowing. I’m so completely bowled over by this book, I don’t even know if I have the words to convey what a hilarious and moving revelation it is. Every single woman reading this blog needs to buy it immediately (but it’s not out in the US yet so you have to order it from Amazon UK). Actually, every man reading this blog should buy this book as well. Sure, you may not be able to relate to some of the brilliant anecdotes but it would probably give you a lot of insight into what the hell is going on in your girlfriend/wife/sister/Mom/Aunt/Barista’s head.

This book was absolutely hilarious but it also made me reevaluate why I do some of the things I do and examine some of the reasons why certain things seem so intrinsic to being a woman. It also totally made me realize how ill prepared most of us are for being a woman. I mean, I learned all about menstruation and the changes that would happen to my body in school but that doesn’t even begin to cover all we need to know to be women. Moran asks those questions I never thought to ask but absolutely needed to know and had me literally laughing until I gave myself the hiccups. It was glorious.

I don’t even think I’m capable of praise high enough for this book. Moran was able to make me think critically about feminism, weddings, sex, shopping, and my body while also making me laugh hysterically. She also shares her stories of figuring out this thing called womanhood and what that really means and those stories are both moving and hilarious. I loved every single word in this book. Every. Single. Word. I don’t know what else to say except that I am so happy I was able to end my Year In Books with this book and that I think y’all should read it.

The End.

A Year In Books

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Chronicles of Narnia

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Last week, I completed my yearly Chronicles of Narnia marathon. It was magical. Obviously. Although, I have to admit an ulterior motive in finishing them quickly- I am currently reading another incredible book and I wanted to make sure it was the last entry in A Year In Books. I can’t believe I actually fulfilled a New Year’s resolution for once! I’m feeling quite satisfied with myself to be honest. Anyway, on to the Chronic-What-Cles of Narnia.

The Horse and His Boy

I love this story because it’s a rare glimpse into the glory days of the reign of the Pevensies in Narnia. Also, it’s a great geography lesson of the world in which Narnia exists. You get to learn more about the other countries and customs that inhabit that world. I also love a great underdog story and this certainly is one. It’s the story of Shasta, a poor and beaten boy from Calormen who meets a talking horse, Bree, that tells him he clearly isn’t a native Calormene and convinces him to run away with him to Narnia. Along the way, they meet another talking horse, Hwin, and runaway Aravis. They join together to flee to Narnia and the North. I don’t want to ruin it for those of you who haven’t read it, but there is a pretty spectacular happy ending here.

Prince Caspian

The Pevensies return to Narnia! The Pevensies return to Narnia!! Except Narnian time works differently from ours so many centuries have passed since the days when Peter sat on the throne as High King. Telmarines have taken over and let me tell you, they aren’t so nice to the talking animals and magical creatures of Narnia. And the Telmarine King isn’t even nice to his own nephew, the rightful King, so his nephew, Caspian, flees into the forest and finds the remnants of Old Narnia. A war ensues and the Pevensies are called from our world to Narnia’s aid. And guess what? They totally win. It’s awesome. Except for the part when Aslan says Peter and Susan won’t be returning to Narnia, that’s actually a bit sad.

The Voyage of The Dawn Treader

Here we meet Prince Caspian again! He’s such a charming lad. Lucy and Edmund return to Narnia, well, not actually Narnia, but rather a Narnia ship bound for the utter East and Aslan’s country. Along the way, they seek to find certain Lords who were loyal to Caspian’s Father and had to flee the evil of his Uncle. Boy are there some adventures on this journey! Probably more than any of the other books, this one had me flipping through the pages furiously to find out what happened. It’s a great read and has one of C.S. Lewis’ best characters in it, Reepicheep the mouse, who is the most valiant and brave of all the talking animals. We also meet Lucy and Edmunds cousin Eustace, who is quite a pill although you come to like him by the end of the book. C.S. Lewis had such a knack for writing very developed characters in very few words and Eustace and Reepicheep are great examples of that.

The Silver Chair

This is my favorite of all the Chronicles. I absolutely love the story, I mean, you can’t really go wrong with an underground world and an enchanted Prince, but this book also features one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. Puddleglum. He is at once both pessimistic and hopeful. I adore him. This is another excellent example of Lewis being able to write a fully developed and endearing character in a short book. Whenever I think of my favorite fictional characters, Puddleglum is one of the first to come to mind. He’s so dark and yet so full of light. I also love learning more about Eustace and his companion on this journey, Jill. They both attend a wretched school full of bullies but they get their revenge in the end and it’s both satisfying and funny. I have to admit, I have a sweet spot for traveling tales and this is top amongst those.

The Last Battle

This book is the final adventure in Narnia. In fact, it’s the end of Narnia itself. Just as Aslan brought the world into being in such a beautiful way, so he ends it. This is a spectacular story and I rather think has some good lessons about not being swayed by propaganda. Everyone is back in this tale, yes everyone, including all four Pevensies. But how can that be? You may be asking. To which I reply, with Aslan, there is always a way. And it’s lovely and sweet and sad all at the same time. It’s an ending only C.S. Lewis could write and get away with.

 

Even though I read these books every year, I never tire of them. They never fail to delight and excite me. If you haven’t read them, and like fantasy adventures with talking animals, magical creatures, and children saving the day, then you absolutely must read these.

What are y’all reading this week?

A Year In Books

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Every year around Christmas-time, I read all seven of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. I first read The Chronicles of Narnia after I received them as a Christmas present when I was 10. I instantly fell in love and read all seven in as many days, and ever since then, reading these books is my own personal Christmas tradition. Last week, I read the first two, The Magician’s Nephew and The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. 

The Magician's Nephew

The Magician’s Nephew

This is where it all began. I don’t know why this book doesn’t get more love from people. Usually, everyone just skips straight to The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe but for me and for my homeboy C.S., it all begins with The Magician’s Nephew. It’s a magical adventure and the word “chap” is used several dozen times so it has all the makings of a great story. This is where we first meet both Aslan and the white witch and see how Narnia is created. It’s beautifully written, Narnia is created with a song, and the way C.S. describes it is lovely and enchanting. I love Diggory and Polly, the two central characters and think they are both very well written even though the book is a bit short. I love it. I mean, obviously, because I re-read it every year.

The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe

The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe

This is the book most people think of when they think about The Chronicles of Narnia and it’s been made into several movies the most recent in 2005. This is the tale of the four Pevensie children and their first adventure in Narnia and it is awesome! I love The Beavers and Mr. Tumnus and just about every other magical creature in this book. It’s just so fanciful and lovely and magical and I love every bit of it. And, spoiler alert, Diggory from The Magician’s Nephew is the Pevensie’s Uncle and he is a completely awesome grown-up and I want to be just like him.

If you haven’t ever read these books, you need to do it immediately. Aslan wants you to, I’m sure of it. Also, if you’re anything like me, they will put you in a really good mood for like 2 weeks. True story.

Also, this.

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=2921

Things My Biographer Will Say About Me

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Girl on the Contrary

Obviously, at some point, someone is going to write a biography about me. It will probably be “unauthorized” and it will probably just be me writing about myself under a pseudonym. Anyway, here are some things you can expect to read in that biography.

She listened to too much Beyonce, she thought that she “run the world” and was constantly trying to remind us she was “so hood with this”. This can only be evidence of a severe self-esteem issue. 

She ate too many tacos. This clearly reflects her Daddy issues. GotC had the best Dad in the world and that made her so happy she would eat tacos with raucous abandon. She was a happy eater and since she was almost always happy, she ate a lot. Mostly tacos, but sometimes other things as well. 

Her deep love for her feminist icons Bette Midler and Margaret Sanger led her to write a song about birth control called “Birth Control Boogie” It failed to chart on Billboard.

It’s weird she liked Anne Boleyn so much.

In retrospect, when people called her “quirky” they should probably have said “delusional”

Her obsession with Titanic when she was 13 was disturbing and macabre on the best of days and should have had her committed on the worst of days.

Her effort to turn her life into a musical failed miserably but she never accepted that and died believing it was a complete success. Again, delusional.

She thought she was a really good dancer. She was average at best.

Her English accent was sub-par.

She had a very strange habit of wearing socks to bed because she loved how it felt when she kicked them off in the middle of the night. Obviously, she had commitment issues.

What will your biographer say about you? Hopefully your biographer is less snarky than mine. She was kind of harsh, no? I mean, sheesh, a lot of people had an obsession with Titanic, and I would like to have seen her bust even one of my stellar dance moves, also, my life turned musical was a roaring succes. So there.

A Year In Books

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Mindy Kaling

Last week I read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Minday Kaling. Hilarity ensued. I laughed, I laughed some more, I nodded my head in understanding and sisterly solidarity, and then I laughed again. Mindy Kaling, who many of you may know was Kelly Kapoor on The Office (Oh and she also writes and produces for the show), is exceptionally hilarious and relatable. She is every really awesome hilarious friend you’ve ever writing about every hilarious and awesome thing you’ve ever talked about with that friend. It’s happiness in a book people. That’s truth.

Kaling also talks about how she made it in New York City. It’s like a funnier and more realistic version of every “How I Made it in New York” movie you’ve ever seen. I have to admit, I always admire people who take a chance by following their dreams to the big city, that takes a lot of guts. And Kaling has lots of guts. Lots of really funny guts. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty jealous of her funny guts.  As I said before, reading this book was like hanging out with your favorite friends who is hilarious and, let’s be honest, a lot cooler than you, but when you hang out with them, you get a little cooler by proxy. Reading this book made me cooler by proxy.

If you like to laugh and get cooler by proxy, I suggest you read this book. Nay, I insist you read this book. The world could use a little cooler by proxy…er……laughter.

What are y’all reading this week?

A Year In Books

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The Lost Continent

For the last two weeks I’ve been reading The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson. I took an extra week to read it because it was excellent and I didn’t want to rush through it. Bill Bryson has completely won me over as an author and I will definitely be reading more of his books. This book took me completely by surprise, it’s the chronicle of Bryson’s road trip across American after having lived in the UK for many years. So, pretty awesome.

When I first started reading the book I felt a little lost, when Bryson was describing certain places it seemed to me he was relying on a lot of stereotype. I kept thinking “Wait. I’ve been there, it’s not like that at all.” and then I remembered that Bryson’s road trip was in 1987. 1987 was a completely different time  and although it doesn’t seem to be that long ago, I imagine things were probably a lot different 24 years ago. Once I got over that- I was full in. Bryson is hilarious. His adventures on the road are completely relatable and, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps intentionally, satirical. Basically, his writing is my jam.

It’s a travel memoir but it’s unlike any travel memoir you’ve ever read. Not only because it’s very very funny, but also because it seems so familiar and comforting. Most Americans have taken a road trip or two around the country, usually at fairly young ages, so the idea of someone well into their adulthood trying to recapture a little bit of that childhood nostalgia resonates. It resonates hard. It’s also very compelling because we all know just how enormous the US is and therefore have mad respect for anyone who attempts to drive across it. It’s definitely what you refer to as a “journey” and not merely a “trip”.

Seriously y’all, this book is one of the best I’ve read all year. I loved everything about it. The snarkiness, the endearment, the good, the bad, and the tourist attractions. It was all brilliantly written and made me want to jump in my car and take off for the open road immediately.

What are you guys reading this week?

A Year In Books- Postponed

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Turkey

So, I’m still sticking to my resolution but I haven’t quite finished the books I started reading last week. I was very distracted by Thanksgiving and spent the remaining days in a food induced coma. But, no fear!  I read multiple books in past weeks so, I’m still ahead of the game. I will tell you I’m reading a great book and that I can’t wait to share it with you guys! Just give me a few more non-food-binging days and I’ll tell you all about it. :)

In the meantime, I would love to hear about your favorite Thanksgiving moments. One of mine involved my Grammy….of course.

Me: You made the green bean casserole this year?
Grammy: Yes I did.
Me: Cool. I thought you were just bringing the buttermilk pie.
Grammy: I don’t care what this tastes like, just tell me it’s a good as your Mother’s, even if it isn’t.
Me: You got it.