Tag Archives: birthday

Oh Girl, It’s Your Birthday!

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Happy Birthday

Today is my lovely sister’s birthday. She lights up my life and this post is dedicated to her. Congratulations on now being divisible by 11 for the first time since you were 11. That’s pretty major.

In honor of your big day, I am going to embarrass you. Because that’s what love is. Also, I know you don’t embarrass easily so it’s a challenge. Here is a list of things I plan to do so you can prepare yourself. Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning. If you don’t read my blog today then it’s your fault not mine.

1. I arranged for a naked man to jump out of your birthday cake.

2. I plan on saying “naked” as many times as possible at dinner tonight to see if your face turns red like it used to.

3. I baked penis cookies.

4. I arranged for a band to play Hanson music at dinner.

5. I gave Grammy permission to kiss you on the cheek when she has lots of red lipstick on.

6. I will hug you and never let go. ( please don’t hit me)

7. I will keep trying to hold your hand. (please don’t hit me)

8. I will call you “sissy” for the rest of the day.

9. I will talk in a baby voice to you all night.

10. I will write a blog about how I am going to embarrass you today.

I think it’s important for you to know that I probably won’t really do any of these things. Except number 10 obviously, and probably number 7 because I really like holding hands. I love your guts!!!!!!

This is your favorite birthday song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AJYcXnn1io&feature=related and I am dedicating it to you from my heart. I hope you love it.

I’m Sorry Honey, But There is Nothing Pretty About the Male Body

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My Mom said that last night. She. Is. So. Awesome. Of course, she was just referring to a certain “special” part of the male body. I’m pretty sure she thinks everything other than “that” is nice. Anyway, it made me laugh and I told her I was going to write a blog about it and I don’t think she believed me. In your face Mom. I totally did it. I think you learned an important lesson today.

Although, to be fair, my blog post isn’t really about how ugly male genitalia is, because I mean, sheesh, I don’t want to make people feel bad about themselves. Really insensitive Mom.

This blog is actually about highlights of my week and it just so happens one of them was my Mom calling the male anatomy out. Male anatomy, you have been put on notice- shape up or ship out (I’m not really sure what that means). Other highlights of my week include…..

I had a pretty stellar Harry Potter dream. I pretty much re-wrote the ending in my subconscious. Sometimes I was Harry Potter and then sometimes I was kind of watching it all happen so it was nice to have more than one perspective. The only thing was that in my dream Severus Snape and Bellatix Lestrange totally get married and have a baby, and then Snape helps Harry find all the horcruxes without telling Bellatrix, and Harry knows Snape isn’t really a bad guy and they sort of have a truce. Then I woke up and was like- whoa- there is no way Snape would have ever married Bellatrix and maybe I shouldn’t eat pizza before going to bed.

My friend had a birthday and I celebrated with her so none of the evil spirits that target people on their birthdays could get to her. I know my well wishes were instrumental in keeping her life demon free.

I was craving a Schlotzskys pizza the other night after work, and when I got there I was talking on the phone and trying to order at the same time and the Schlotzskys lady asked me if I wanted to try their “new” pizza. I assumed this meant like new crust or better toppings or something so I said yes. What she meant by “new” was gigantic. I found myself in possession of an enormous pizza. I don’t even know how much I paid for it. I just assumed (emphasis on ass) that I was ordering one of the regular sized pizzas that maybe had gotten some sort of makeover. I was wrong. So very very wrong. Of course, I was too embarrassed to say anything so I just took the pizza and left. It was delicious. And though I felt like a fool, I get to eat pizza for days so I’m not sure what the lesson is here.

This week my Grammy said “crotch” and then pointed to hers as if maybe I didn’t know where the “crotch” was. Could. Not. Possibly. Love. Her. More.

I’m realizing now that my week was not that interesting. Sorry. I will try to possibly rob a bank or something next week. (Note: In no way am I going to rob a bank)

Bank Robber Stickfigure

This is what I will NOT be doing next week.

On This The Day Of My Birth

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What does your birthday mean to you? Why is it such an important day? What  makes us so eager to celebrate and have others celebrate with us? Why is it so important to us that people remember that day?

My birthday was 3 weeks ago (and not today as the title of this blog would have you believe…) and I have been thinking about it quite a bit. It seemed a significant birthday to me, 25, quarter of a century old, but I went into it with low expectations. You see, I had deleted my Facebook account about a month before and I hardly thought that without that reminder anyone would remember. Surprisingly, many of my friends did. Even friends I wasn’t that close with texted or called me with happy wishes. More surprising than that was the fact that my very best friend in the entire world completely forgot. Forgot, and didn’t seem to be that fussed about forgetting. I’m telling you all of this so that you can understand a bit about why my thoughts have turned to birthdays recently. Feeling hurt about my best friend forgetting my birthday led me to question why it was I was so gutted that she forgot. What does a birthday really mean and why do people celebrate them ? When did we, as human beings, begin commemorating our day of birth, and why?

So, I did some research. I love research! It seems that for many cultures the idea of celebrating birthdays with family and friends began as a superstition that evil spirits, demons, etc. were more likely to target you on the anniversary of your birth and so family and friends would gather around you bringing with them all their happy thoughts and well wishes to protect you from the evil things. Due to this, many religions including Judaism and Christianity refrained from celebrating birthdays for centuries because they viewed it as a pagan practice. How far we have come from that, eh? In fact, today very few religious groups hold any particular stance on birthdays, preferring to leave it up to the individuals. That’s it. That’s how birthdays began. Obviously, like Christmas, Christians took a popular pagan practice and morphed it into a tradition based on their own beliefs and values and that is how most of us come to celebrate our birthdays today.  Simple as that.

My birthday has always been made an incredibly special day for me. My family makes me feel loved everyday but that day in particular I feel especially adored. We have celebrated in many different ways, each perfect in it’s own way. I love the presents of course, but I have always felt my birthday meant more than that- it meant spending the entire day with my family and friends. It meant laughter and lots of food and usually a shenanigan or two. It still means that. But after this last birthday it means more, yes, I was hurt by the people who forgot, but I also felt incredibly loved by the people who remembered. Do I have an exact definable reason why birthdays mean so much to us or why it’s so important that people remember? No. But I know they do mean a lot, they are important, but it is more important to celebrate with the right spirit- one that is joyful and thankful for those who remembered and not downhearted because of those who forgot- the right spirit in giving and getting. Yes, a happy spirit is essential, you wouldn’t want those evil spirits for which birthday celebrations were originated taking advantage of you.