I Have A Huge Bruise On My Leg Because AMERICA.

I met up with a bunch of friends on Sunday to watch the US match against Portugal. I was feeling excited because we beat Ghana (and we never had before) but also nervous because Portugal…(Ronaldo). So, when we scored our second goal for the lead, I couldn’t help but leap up from my seat – what I failed to take into account in my celebration was the table that was directly in my way. I am now sporting a very large and unsightly bruise on my leg because AMERICA.

If that isn’t patriotism then I don’t know what is.

Of course, Portugal tied it up in the final seconds. I think my bruise hurts a little more because of that, but my spirit remains unbroken.




Grammy fell and broke her hip last Thursday, but she is recuperating nicely and is expected to heal up completely. I spent the night with her at the hospital on Saturday. She was in typical Grammy form.

Grammy: Oh honey, I’m sorry. I think I’m moonshining you. 

Me: Grammy, I think you mean mooning me. 

Grammy: Well, it’s something to do with moons. 

Me: I wouldn’t say no to some moonshine though, if you had it handy. 

Grammy: I’m all out sweetheart. 


One day when I was 11, my family was sitting around in the living room of our cottage just chatting and relaxing. My Uncle Tom had gotten up and gone to the bathroom which was very close to the room we were all sitting in. It had gotten a bit quiet when we heard him yell from the bathroom “Corn?! When did I eat corn?”

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Now, every time I eat corn I think of that and smile. And I always will.

Thanks again for all your support these last couple weeks. I hope when you eat corn, you’ll think of this story. My Uncle Tom would have LOVED that. :)


Thank You.

The past several days have been awful. But your kind words and positive thoughts meant the world to me. I read and re-read every one and it was like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a cold day.

I love you all. Thank you!

It doesn’t feel right to laugh and be funny right now, but it doesn’t feel right not to either. Especially because my family has lost two people who made us all laugh a lot. So, I’m going to try and get back to being funny soon and I hope you will laugh with me – for them.

If anyone is in a position to help, please go here: http://www.gofundme.com/9toif4


Tell The People You Love That You Love Them. Now. Today.

A truly horrible and tragic thing happened to my family this weekend. If you pray, please pray. If you send happy thoughts, please send happy thoughts. We could use all the prayers and thoughts you’ve got.

Also, if you could do one more thing for me – can you please tell everyone who means anything to you how much you love them and how thankful you are that they are in your life? We don’t say it enough. I guess we’re worried about being cheesy or too emotional. Don’t be, that’s silly. Tell them. Tell them often.

Here Is A Thought On A Friday

So, I saw Godzilla last weekend and I LOVED IT. Which is confusing, because Godzilla is basically a dinosaur. And I am afraid of dinosaurs, right?

Except, I don’t think I am anymore. Or aliens.

Holy guacamole y’all. I think I’m growing up. My new fears are mercury poisoning and that my carbon monoxide detector will fail.


You Can’t Beat Us.

My best friend Mary and I can not be beaten at games like Taboo and Celebrity. We are unstoppable. Unsinkable (but not like how the Titanic was unsinkable, we’re like *really* unsinkable).

Need proof?

Last weekend, while playing celebrity, we were in the miming round and I was giving the clues. I turned my head to look back and within 2 seconds Mary yelled “Mr. Thornton!”

Nailed it.


If you don’t know who Mr. Thornton is, I suggest you rent/buy/stream North and South immediately and prepare yourself for some grade-A British romance.

Boris The Spider

Contrary Dad: At our apartment in college, there was this big spider living over our door. We called him Boris. I have no idea why.

Captain Thoughtful: Boris the Spider is a song by The Who.

Contrary Dad: You know, my roommate was really into music.

Captain Thoughtful: Hence…..

Contrary Dad: I never knew. Cheers man!


This one is for you Boris. May your progeny be plentiful and live far away from me.