I’m A Wizard Harry!

So, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was kind of disappointing.


IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. Short of going to the actual Hogwarts as a student and being able to do magic.


The rides were so fantastic, the level of detail throughout both parks (Hogsmeade/Hogwarts and Diagon Alley) was amazing and made me giddy, the food was pretty yummy, and the frozen butterbeer was even better. I loved every single second of it. If I had to pick some favorites they would be the following (but really I hearted all of it).
1. The lines for the rides – what??!! This is crazy right? But on rides like The Forbidden Journey the details along the way are so fantastic you can’t help but enjoy your wait.

2. All the rides. I loved them all.

3. Frozen butterbeer. Yummy yummy in my tummy.

4. The Tale of the Three Brothers. Visually very similar to the movie and so entertaining to watch. The actors did a lovely job.

5. All of the shops. I want to buy all the things!

It’s a magical place y’all. A magical place. Go there.

Yes. I AM Going To Drink All the Vodka.

Dear Flight Attendant,
Yes. I just bought vodka on our flight. It is 4pm which is happy hour or at the very least happy hour adjacent. This flight is very turbulent and I am not a good flier. You will kindly STOP judging me and run my credit card so I don’t have a full blown panic attack on this flight. For the record, you are NOT helping keep me calm by pointing out the terrifying black clouds we are about to have to fly through. So, since you aren’t keeping me calm, I am going to need a little help from my friend vodka. Please stop asking “Are you sure?” and “You are going to drink all of this?” I am sure and I am sure as HELL drinking all of this. I would happily decline if you could make this plane stop bouncing. Can you do that? No? Give me the vodka then. Kthanksbye.


Booze Hound

Have you ever heard of a booze hound? It’s this thing where you line up all the wine bottles and let your puppy choose which one you will drink by touching his nose to the bottle. At least, that’s what it means at my house. For the record, Dobby hasn’t let us down once with his choice of wine. He is basically a puppy sommelier, which is something every one needs as a basic neccessity. Booze hounds are the next big thing yall, you heard it here first.

Ms. Jana

Last week, one of the most influential women in my life died. Today, her family and friends will honor her memory. Because I can’t be there (and it breaks my heart) I want to honor her here. This is for you Ms. Jana.

You taught me all the best swear words. You taught me how to be a woman who knows her own mind and isn’t afraid of speaking it. You taught me how to love hard and loyally and fiercely. You taught me how a best friend acts, because you were my Mom’s very best friend and stood by her through thick and thin. You taught me how to own the macarena on a dance floor. You taught me to laugh as much as possible. You taught me about being true to who I am.
Who I am is someone who will miss you very much and will carry the things you taught me in my heart for as long as I live.
I love you Ms. Jana and I always will. Thank you for loving me back.

That Thing Where You Feel Guilty For Neutering Your Dog

I know getting Dobby neutered is the responsible thing to do. I mean, they wouldn’t advise you to do it at the end of every episode of The Price Is Right if it wasn’t, right? But just making the appointment has me feeling all kinds of terrible and guilty because I’m sure it doesn’t feel very nice and I am also sure Dobby will hate me forever afterwards and won’t let me cuddle him anymore. But I am going to do it anyway because responsibility. And then I am going to attempt to buy back his love with fancy treats and toys.


It's going to take a LOT of treats lady...

Now, if you could all tell me how everything will be fine and I shouldn’t feel guilty and that Dobby will continue to love me that would be great. Kthanksbye.

Don’t Prank Me Bro

I don’t like April Fools Day. Especially at my age because all my friends are like “I’m pregnant!” And then I am excited for them and channel all my happy thoughts towards them and then they throw it right back in my face and are like “Haha! You were so nice and sweet and kind to me just then and I was kidding and now you look like a fool.” And then I’m like “When you do have kids, I am going to brainwash them against you and convince them to ruin your life.” And then my friends are scared because they know I can be very convincing and it isn’t a far stretch to imagine me brainwashing their kids and then they get scared and apologize to me and I’m like “Ha! Doesn’t feel nice to be April Fooled does it?” And then everyone laughs awkwardly because the joke got taken too far and that’s why I don’t like April Fools day.

Dear Lincoln Nebraska

Dear Lincoln Nebraska,

Surely there is a better day to test the tornado sirens than on a day where conditions could result in a tornado. Maybe pick a nice sunny day with no wind next time. All of the people will thank you for it. And if you can’t pick a nice sunny day, then maybe try to let people know before you sound the sirens that it is just a test and that running to their basements with a bug out bag and a frightened puppy is totally unnecessary.

Just a thought I had.



Tacos > Skinny

Over the last 7 months or so, I have been on a mission to get healthier, which includes losing some weight. So, I have been eating better and exercising and having fairly good results. Yay. However, a lot of people have tried to motivate me by saying “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Those people are liars and scoundrels. I am here to tell you the truth and that is that I have eaten at least 10 things that taste better than skinny feels. At least.That doesn’t mean that I indulge all the time or gorge myself wantonly. I’m just saying, don’t tell me skinny feels better than eating a shrimp taco at Torchy’s. I have been skinny and I have eaten those tacos and let me tell you, the tacos are better.