Y’all. ESPN will try and trick you into thinking it’s only about sports and sport related news. While this might be technically true, do NOT let them fool you. Right in between showing a repeat of some college football bowl game and a new Big 12 basketball game, they will put in a segment about something really sweet and touching and you will start sobbing because it’s so sweet and who knew that ESPN would make you cry? You just wanted to watch basketball but now you have run out of tissues and your eyes are red and swollen and you can’t stop crying because of the precious kiddo with a life threatening illness that a college football team took under their wing and that kiddo has a huge smile on his face because he got to run in a touchdown and the whole team is crying and the kiddo is happy and WHERE ARE ALL THESE TEARS COMING FROM AND HOW DO YOU TURN THEM OFF???? Y’all, don’t let ESPN fool you like that.
You know that thing where you realize you are talking too much, but you can’t seem to to stop yourself from talking, and then you just keep talking and talking and talking and in your head you keep telling yourself to shut up but somehow your mouth doesn’t get the message and then you start to panic because you realize how annoying it must be for the other person but you just keep talking and talking and talking? That thing happens to me all the time.
Wine slushies for everyone! That is all.
I’ve always thought that red velvet cake is really just a platform for cream cheese icing.
I can think of no moment so precarious as the moment both you and a new friend enter the same public restroom and have to pee in stalls right next to each other. This is how you find out who is real friend material.
This week is all thoughts y’all! I added an exclamation mark to that so it sounds more exciting. I think it worked.
On to the thought….
Do people still train to be mimes? Is there a high mime demand? Just a thing I wondered about after watching Sia perform with a mime on SNL. Also, I bet at the SNL after-party no one recognized the mime because he didn’t have his makeup on and then security was like “Hey man. Are you supposed to be here?” and then he was like “Yeah, it’s cool. I’m Sia’s mime.”
Captain Thoughtful: It’s 2 degrees outside. The “real feel” is -21.
Me: Oh no…..
Captain Thoughtful: I’m not going to sugar-coat it, when we walk outside it’s going to be a real slap in the b-hole.
Me: Nicely phrased.
Here is what we know so far…
Name: Dobby Godzilla
Favorite Toy: Socks
Favorite Game: Chase
Biggest Fear: Toilet paper rolls
Cuteness Level: Off the charts
Warning: Do NOT name your puppy Dobby and then listen to “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” on audiobook. You will start crying very very hard at the part you know which and your husband will offer to pull over the car until you can calm down.
Yall, it turns out I have a knack for riding segways. Sure, I was kind of scared to get on it. Sure, I am the only one who fell off, but I think that is because the Segway was trying to challenge me once it realized I was such an accomplished rider. What I’m trying to say is that I think I would be a great mall cop. Outside of the fact that I am now an excellent Segway rider, I have a dislike of hooligans and shoplifters and have always felt I had an untested talent for disrupting and thwarting plots against malls.
In case you can’t tell, I am the one doing Segway jazz hands in the picture. You know how I do.