This weekend, I decided to push my fear limits by watching a movie I knew contained aliens in it, so Captain Thoughtful and I rented Battleship. Girl on the Contrary commentary in 5..4..3..2..1..

Ok Liam Neeson, you get one more chance from me. Umm, why don’t we ever here about these scientific developments that are probably going to get us killed by aliens? They need to warn us about this shiz. Wait. Are these real scientific developments? Because that guy is talking in an English accent so I’m inclined to believe whatever he is saying. WHOA. Tim Riggins is in this? And Eric from Trueblood? Jackpot! Dude- Tim Riggins and Eric are brothers- so far, I really like this movie. Hey! Don’t taze Tim Riggins bro! Landry is in this movie too??? It’s like a Friday Night Lights reunion on a battleship!! You know  something? I bet $10 that Liam Neeson changes his mind about Tim Riggins by the end of this movie. I have a feeling Tim Riggins will come through in the end. Rhianna, this is not an exercise, it’s ALIENS!!!! Prepare yourself. Man. Aliens are the worst, the just killed Eric the vampire. The jokes on them though because Tim Riggins is out for revenge. NOOOOOOOO! Damn it. They’re going to show real aliens- not just robots. This is becoming increasingly terrifying. Hey. People. Listen up: Whenever you think the alien is dead HE IS NOT, he is alive and he will try to kill you when he wakes up. Let’s learn some lessons here. See? I knew Landry would help save the day. Landry is the best! Yay! They have a plan! They have a plan to kill the aliens!!! Huzzah! Now, that’s what I call solar power (Get it? Because they use the sun to kill some aliens.) Bada Bing! What? They’re getting the USS Missouri back in action! THAT. IS. AWESOME. And they’re enlisting actual WWII veterans to help them man it and kill the aliens!! THAT. IS. EVEN. MORE. AWESOME. YES!!!!! Take that aliens! WWII vets are coming for you! Huzzah! We win!

And so does Liam Neeson, because I have totally forgiven him for The Grey. He is definitely back in my good graces. You guys, I feel like this movie got panned by critics, but I’m not even going to lie- I LOVED IT. Seriously, even though aliens scare me half to death, I was so into this movie that I was able to put my fears aside and get super amped by this movie. I thought the writing was actually pretty clever, and a lot of the jokes were tongue in cheek making fun of themselves and I quite liked it. Also, they used actual WWII vets and an actual veteran who had lost both his legs and he got to punch an alien in the face and was just an all around bad ass. This movie is pretty much the definition of bad ass and I loved it. I can’t believe I’m saying that but it’s true. I loved Battleship.

So, this is a thing where I watch a movie and then record everything I say/do during the movie. Also, you should know I’m watching these movies from the comfort of my own couch where I can yell out and blog about what I’m watching as much as I like. Because I’ve found people don’t like it much when I do that in a movie theater. I mean, I could be wrong, but they kind of seem to hate it.

This is me watching The Grey with Liam Neeson. Please note, there are spoilers.

It’s Aslan’s voice! Hmmm, I sense a tragedy in this man’s past. Yep. He just said it. Nailed it. WHAT?! Homie just shot a wolf. A WOLF. I like it better when people just dance with them like that nice Kevin Costner. No! Don’t kill yourself Liam! Whew- he didn’t do it. No no no! Do NOT get on an airplane covered in ice. I feel like this is common sense. Why are people getting on that plane? Dermot Mulroney?! Yay! Oh no! I KNEW you shouldn’t get on an airplane covered in ice. I just knew it! Also, I feel like maybe I’ll never get on any airplane anywhere ever again. Ick. A wolf is eating that lady….AAAGGGGHHH Liam Neeson is fighting a wolf with his bare hands!! Dude, I bet that the brother wolf to the one he killed earlier. At the very least it’s probably a second cousin seeking vengeance. What does that guy mean “How does he know about wolves?”? Didn’t he see Taken? I feel like Liam was pretty clear about having “A particular set of skills.”

(And then I hid my head under a blanket for like 45 minutes because WOLVES WERE EATING PEOPLE. Or, more specifically and way more horrifyingly, THEY WERE MURDERING PEOPLE WITH THEIR TEETH. So, yeah, head under blanket.)

Umm, I’m sorry, you can NOT jump off a cliff and into trees and not get hurt. That’s just not a thing that happens. No! Dermot Mulroney! Noooooooooooo!!!! This is the most depressing and hopeless movie ever. All is lost! All is lost! There is no hope or happiness! Wait. Are you kidding me? *That* is how this ends? No. Unacceptable. You do not get to make a movie that has me hiding under blankets, sobbing, and forsaking all hope, and then not give me a definite conclusion. You owe me an ice cream Liam, I’m holding you responsible for this. 

That movie wasn’t grey like a rainy day, it was black like the part of the night when WOLVES COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND MURDER YOU. That’s real talk y’all. I found this movie upsetting. And poor Captain Thoughtful had to sit through it with me, bless his heart.

Why is today a happy day? Two reasons.

1. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and it’s my favorite holiday.

2. THE MUPPETS MOVIE COMES OUT TODAY!!!!

I love The Muppets. I love them so much. They were an awesome part of my childhood and an even more awesome part of my adulthood because I understand the jokes a lot better. I am so thrilled that I finally get to see the movie today. So thrilled, in fact, that I can talk of nothing else and when people ask me to please be serious all I can say is “Waka waka”.  If you get that joke, we’re probably friends.

In honor of this most auspicious day, I thought I would share some of my absolute favorite Muppet moments. Enjoy!

Queen + The Muppets? An epic win.

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-4114397127563559102&hl=en&fs=true

Classic y’all. I sing this every day while I’m getting ready for work. Puts me in an awesome mood.

Johnny Cash and The Muppets!!!!!! My brain, it explodes with happy.

I hope this filled your day with happy!!!!

My deep and everlasting love of Alan Alda is well documented on this blog. He is one of my absolute favorite actors so when his new movie Tower Heist came out, I knew I had to see it. Granted, this movie is more of a Ben Stiller/Eddie Murphy driven film but my guy Alan had his fair share of screen time as well.

The movie got off to a promising start- Alan Alda with his shirt off swimming. Let me tell you a little somethin somethin- Mr. Alda is rockin that 75 year old bod. I mean, sure, the movie is obviously playing up his heartthrob status by having him shirtless but that is A-ok by me.

After that, things got uncomfortable. Mostly because Alan Alda is the bad guy. A real bad guy. A money stealing-lying to yo mama-keeping the little guy down kind of bad guy. And I just couldn’t take it. It upset me. Obviously, I know he was playing a part but I genuinely hated to see him like that. I just couldn’t take him as a villain. The movie was difficult for me to watch because on the one hand, I wanted the good guys to get theirs, but on the other hand, I didn’t necessarily want anything bad to happen to Alan Alda. When they get him in the end, he looks so sad. And his character totally deserved it but all I saw was Alan Alda sad eyes and that made me want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok.

So, overall, I would have to say this movie just made me uncomfortable.

Funny story: When Alan Alda shows up on screen with his shirt off, I may have squealed like a teenage girl and gotten some very strange looks from people. Whatever. A love like ours can’t be understood.