Last week, I documented my conversations with people looking for Tom and asked myself, “Who is Tom?”. You guys remember that, right? I mean, it was literally last week. Yeah, you totally remember it. Anyway, I got another call for Tom the other day. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my phone at home and missed the call, thankfully, they left a message.
“Hello. We’re calling for Tom. We have a sourcing job for him in Houston. Tom, please call us back immediately about the job.”
First of all, I think it’s odd they left a message for Tom when my voicemail clearly says my name and my name only. BUT- I think this proves my theory about Tom being a spy. I mean, it seems very suspicious that they would be so tenacious in trying to find Tom. Most people would probably just hang up when they got the voicemail of someone not named Tom, but it’s pretty clear they think my name and phone are just a cover for Tom. Obviously, it’s not unusual for Tom to have a voicemail with someone else’s name on it. Also, “sourcing job”? Yeah, I googled that shiz and it said “Sourcing in personnel management work refers to the identification and uncovering of candidates (also known as talent) through proactive recruiting techniques.” So, I think that definition speaks for itself. I mean, clearly, Tom is a super secret spy recruiter. It’s so obvious. Wait- am I being recruited? Is that what this is? Does he know I’m blogging about it? He totally does.
What was that sound???????
I hope you don’t get your first “this tape will self destruct in five seconds” package during the honeymoon.
Me too! That would be bad. Very bad.
You should change your voice mail to “If you’re calling for GoTC, please leave your name, number, and brief message at the tone. If you’re calling for Tom, he died in a mysterious spy-related accident.”
Is that wrong? I feel like it’s not wrong.
It *might* be wrong. But it’s also hilarious so I’m kind of on the fence.
Whenever I read about Tom, I have an image in my mind that is half Tom Hanks from The Terminal and half Tom Hanks from The Da Vinci Code. I LOVE Tom Hanks and I’m loving how he has embedded himself mysteriously into your life
Haha! I love this!
Dude now is the time to dig out that Taobo exercise video and start getting ready.
You never know when “they” might just show up.
You’re right. I’m on it!
As I read each update, a stirring in my imagination pokes and prods at my thoughts – “This is beginning to feel a lot like a movie you saw once, Christian. A movie called ‘Fight Club’.”
Is there something that GoTC isn’t telling us maybe? Something she may not even yet be aware of? Only she could be so devilishly clever as to create a male alter-ego and be able to carry it off…
Whatever the case, I am still eagerly awaiting further news of the mysterious Tom!
Whoa. You just blew my mind a little bit. I have a lot to think about….
All right, I’m scared for you, yes, but I’m also kind of relieved that there’s a job title that sounds even more BS-riddled than mine.
Ha! I can understand your relief.
Ha! I don’t know why I love these Tom posts so much but I do!
I’m glad you love them!
Thanks, I needed a good laugh today and you provided without fail. =)
Thanks for laughing! It means more to me than you’ll ever know.
I’m pretty sure Tom is a hit man ! The sourcing thing ? “refers to the identification and uncovering of candidates”… Hmm, ‘candidates’, you say ? Sounds like the mob is looking for Tom to help them find somebody (possibly you !!) and ‘take care’ of this person. These callers definitely seem much too nonplussed about it being your voicemail and not Tom’s !
Trust no one…
Trust no one indeed! I’m definitely going to be looking over my shoulder…
“Sourcing” is James Bond’s job description. I think. I might need to pay closer attention.
There is just too much happening in those movies to pay attention to every little detail. Let’s just agree that “Sourcing” is definitely probably his job description
Also “synergy.”
Obviously.
I have since being very young had a strong mistrust of people named “Tom”. Think back, and there are few that I would trust…Hanks, Selleck, Jones…the list goes on…stay vigilant, sista!
Constant Vigilance is my middle name.
You should call the number back!! Use the excuse that it sounded important and you just wanted to let them know they reached the wrong person, but it could give you some clues as to who you are calling!
This is true, but I’m afraid the real explanation is not nearly as exciting as the one I made up.
Hello!!! If you don’t publish a new post soon, we will need to presume the worst, that Tom has somehow got you, and will need to send out a search party.
But of course, since Tom is probably reading this, he could write a fake post and pretend to be you.
Actually, are you even you now?
I’m totally me. I think.
YAY! I’ve been waiting for this! From what I hear, spies make a lot of money. You should consider it.
Somehow, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a spy…
Tom is totally a spy. Or, you know… a deadbeat. “Sourcing job” could also be code for “This is a collection agency hoping to trick Tom into returning our calls, because we’re guessing someone who stopped paying things is possibly out of work, and may be looking for some. We totally think your voicemail is a cover for Tom. We think YOU are covering for Tom, and if you give us too many details about who YOU are, we will append that information to Tom’s delinquent records. Because CLEARLY you are covering for Tom; Tom is very wily that way, you know. And because APPARENTLY we’ve never heard of someone getting a number that used to belong to someone else, even though in these days of mobile technology it’s very likely that someone’s number will get “reclaimed” and reassigned because they didn’t pay THAT bill either.”
(Yeah. They don’t call for Tom here. But they call for Charles. And Gupta. And at least one other name I couldn’t begin to pronounce, let alone spell. And even though they are the ones with the woefully incorrect info, and even though they are bothering a perfectly innocent person in their zeal to find Charles or Gupta or what’s-her-name, they are NOT nice about it.)
Your explanation is probably a lot closer to the truth than mine. So far, no has been too rude about it, but they have been very persistent with calling.
And the Plot Thickens…I can’t wait for next week’s episode….on the edge of my seat.
I know! Who knew getting a new phone for work would be so exciting?
“Mark my words, my friends, Tom was here before the river and the trees. Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn…..when the Elves passed westward, Tom was here already, before the seas were bent. He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless, before the Dark Lord came from outside.” -The Fellowship of the Ring.
Once again, I have to say: YES.
Maybe they meant a saucing job, which could mean he works for a local fast food outlet as the sauce guy! You should totally start hanging around asking for Toms…
That would probably be a far less dangerous job than super-spy, but also possibly more delicious.
ROFL!!!
“The call is coming from inside the house!”
My sentiments exactly.