Since 1994 their has been something missing in my life. Something I once cherished above all other things. Something that needs to re-launched. That something is Saved By The Bell.
Basically, every valuable life lesson I’ve ever learned was from Saved By The Bell. Sadly, kids, tweens, and somehow adults (like myself), are no longer able to learn the valuable life lessons taught by Saved By The Bell because no new episodes are being made. I mean, if it wasn’t for Saved By The Bell, I would probably be addicted to caffeine pills and unable to perform with my girl group. What kind of world would that be? I shudder to think about it.
People are always asking, “What’s wrong with kids these days?” and clearly the answer is they need more Saved By The Bell. So, in order to fix kids these days, I have decided to write new Saved By Bell episodes. Because I’m a hero.
Episode 1 of Saved By The Bell: Fully Loaded And Super New and BOOM.
(As a side note- all my Saved By The Bell: Fully Loaded and Super New and BOOM episodes feature the original cast. As they are now. In their 30′s. Because age discrimination is wrong.)
Title: Kelly Kills A Cheerleader.
Synopsis: Kelly is the head cheerleader at Bayside High…for now. Her leadership is up for grabs when a new student named Kitty Kapuletti enrolls at Bayside and challenges Kelly to a cheer-off. Even with all the extra hours of hurkey practice, Kelly knows she is going to lose her spot to Kitty. Kelly can only think of one way to prevent Kitty from becoming head cheerleader- kill her. Will the gang be able to convince Kelly that murder isn’t the answer? Or will Kelly’s cheerleader ambition cause her to do something that won’t look good on her college applications?
Spoiler: Kelly doesn’t kill Kitty. Kitty is actually a terrible cheerleader and Kelly easily wins the cheer-off. After the cheer-off, the gang goes to The Max and celebrates with milkshakes.
Favorite episode quotes: “Kelly! Murder is wrong. And you’ll get blood all over your uniform. Think of the dry-cleaning bill!”
Gawd, this is awesome – seriously going to download all the Saved By The Bell episodes and relive my youth.
Do it! You know you want to….
One of the ladies on my derby team is named AC Slayedher. When people don’t get it I am not sure whether to be appalled or just feel old!
Waiting for your next episode!
That is one of the best derby names I’ve ever heard! And, as luck would have it, the next episode is centered on Slater.
I loved saved by the bell!! If only kids these days knew!!
Love the plot! Gonna make killer money with that!! Haha
Fingers crossed on making killer money.
I was going to say that the last line was undoubtedly delivered by Lisa Turtle, but I see someone has already shared that bit of genius information with the rest of your readers. Who knew so many people watched Saved By The Bell? Also…why is Lisa’s real name “Lark?” I often wonder if her parents were under the influence of drugs. Saved By The Bell could have saved them had it been created earlier.
Lisa always gets the best lines….
C’mon…nobody but the fabulous Ms. Turtle would worry so much about dry cleaning.
You know it!
“God, this is so sad. We’re never gonna win the state championship. I think I’ve lost all will to cheerlead.” “Raise your hand if you feel her pain.” Cordelia and Xander, “Go Fish”, BTVS.
Sometimes you have to cheer through the pain.
I have to ask… will Zack still carry around his humongoid mobile phone, or will he have upgraded?
(Side note: I cannot, to this day, listen to any version of “Danny Boy” without hearing the lyrics “… in that big chameleon banquet in the sky” in my head. Truth.)
Your truth is my truth. And I think I’m going to upgrade his phone….I don’t know…I’m torn on the issue.
Haha! Youʹre insane and I like it
Thanks! It’s pretty fun being insane.
This is literally one of the best posts I’ve ever read! I watched Saved by the Bell everyday after school. Because of that, I’m totally normal.
I’m so excited…I’m so excited…I’m so…(cries)scared
Love it! Can’t wait for the next episode
I’m so thrilled you like it! There will definitely be more episodes.
Getting sidetracked (because I’m kind of fascinated by this) – have your read about what a world-class scumbag Screech is now? Like, stunningly scummy.
Totally! I was shocked and appalled. But don’t worry, I have plans for the character of Screech that (SPOILER ALERT) may or may not involve him joining a cult and leaving the show because I refuse to work with guys like that.
B, I feel like we would both be remiss here if we didn’t tell GotC that she needs to head over to childhoodrelived.com and meet Angie, like, yesterday (if she hasn’t already).
GotC (GotC! How YOU doin’?)! I’m pretty excited about this post. I think it’s what I’ve been missing, too. But seriously – once you go Angie, you won’t go back. She just recently posted about Saved by the Bell, but today’s post? You just have to see it to believe it. (Did you ever see her slap bracelet pics?!)
Whoa. What? How did I get left out of this? How could you two betray me by keeping this awesomeness from me???? So many questions that don’t matter because I’m too busy immersing myself in childhoodrelived.com
My life is officially complete knowing I introduced you two.
(She even reenacted her ’93 senior high school pics with her slap bracelets!! I’ve never seen anything like it. Here’s my favorite pic: http://goguiltypleasures.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/angie_9.jpg)
I’m torn between loving her and being jealous of her….
Oh my, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Great laugh and a wonderful way to start the morning.
Yay! I’m glad you liked it!
Great episode!
Thanks! Tune in next week!
Since they’re all grown up, how about if they’re all currently working in a fast-food restaurant – “Saved by the Taco Bell”. THEN, you can write yourself into the show as a recurring cameo – Special Guest Appearance by GOTC as “the lovable eccentric local who comes in asking for the damn chili cheese burrito all the time.” Very Hitchcockian…
You are a genius! I wish I had thought of that….
And..like, it totally can mess up your mani…
Exactly!
Fantastic!!!! Another episode please…
There will be more. That I can guarantee.