GotC: Miss Piggy, I’m so glad you could be here today. Before we begin, I just want you to know how much I love and respect you.
Miss Piggy: Why thank you.
GotC: Ok, deep breath, I’m just going to dive right in. Miss Piggy, I am here because I care about you and I want you to be happy. I’m worried about you. The choices you’ve been consistently making have hurt you and consequently hurt those around you…
Miss Piggy: Wait one minute! Is this an imaginary intervention? I thought this was an imaginary interview.
GotC: Yes. This is an imaginary intervention.
Miss Piggy: And for what may I ask?!
GotC: Kermit is a terrible boyfriend. You need to break up with him immediately.
Miss Piggy: Kermie? Kermie is wonderful! He loves me!
GotC: I know you believe that, but it’s just not true. Kermit is a wonderful frog, don’t get me wrong, but he is the worst boyfriend in the world. He has never fully committed to you. He avoids your affection. And he only wants you when he thinks he can’t have you anymore.
Miss Piggy: Don’t you dare talk about my Kermie that way! Don’t think I won’t give you a HI-YA right in the ladybits.
GotC: I knew you would be upset, but just hear me out. Boyfriends should cherish you. They should enjoy spending time with you and be happy to accept your affection. They should be proud to call you their girlfriend in front of their friends, and they should always reciprocate your feelings when you express them.
Miss Piggy: Kermie is just shy he’s…..he’s……
GotC: He’s a terrible boyfriend. Admit it, he doesn’t make you happy. He plays hard to get all the time. It’s always a game with him, he love you, he loves you not. You’re a fierce female. You are beautiful, smarty, witty, and sexy as hell. You need someone consistent. Someone funny. Someone who will love you completely and without reservation.
Miss Piggy: Have any suggestions?
GotC: Fozzie Bear.
Miss Piggy: You have got to be kidding me.
GotC: Fair enough. But, Kermit is out as boyfriend, agreed?
Miss Piggy: I’ll take it under consideration.
GotC: That’s all I can ask.
Miss Piggy: Are you really not going to imaginary interview me?
GotC: That intervention really exhausted me.
Miss Piggy: Oh brother.
FIN
The credit for this imaginary intervention goes to my boyfriend. It was his idea for me to imaginary interview Miss Piggy- he really get’s me y’all. Also, he’s a total dreamboat who laughs at my jokes.
the love of my life :’)
Kermit may have something to say about that…
First of all – news of your Mystery Man is wonderful!
Secondly; great post. It takes real guts (not text messages) to tell Miss Piggy what’s going on. Even in someone’s imagination.
Finally – Given the internal debate, I think we’re all keen to know whether your beau is aware of your blog yet?
I’m very happy for you CotC, he’s a lucky guy.
Wait, ignore my final question. The very paragraph you mention him in makes it clear that he is aware of it…
No worries! It definitely took me a while before I let him read it, but I finally decided it was for the best, luckily for me he likes it!
Thanks! He is all that is wonderful.
And thanks for seeing how brave of me it was to confront Miss Piggy in my imagination. That means a lot to me!
Loved, loved, loved this one! Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my Mister. Someone who “gets” you and is easy on the eyes is worth more than…okay. Chocolate.
Amen! He’s worth a lot more than chocolate- and that’s saying something.
When I saw the picture I thought it was going to be an intervention about Miss Piggy’s cleavage. This is better, though.
Never! I’m pro-cleavage.
It’s about time this happened! Thanks for stepping in!!
I had to. Someone needed to say it.
Hold on one second! You have a boyfriend!?
Indeed I do. I know it’s a shock.
boyfriend?? BOYFRIEND??? I missed an
episodepost here…Nope. First mention. I’ve been a bit hesitant to bring it up….
Well I’m glad he got a blog-mention and must be pretty groovy if you have been hesitant to tell us all! (trying not to jinx perhaps?)
Exactly. I am wary of the jinx.
Funny interview – great intervention – and, from the looks of it, terrific boyfriend. Yours, I mean, not Miss Piggy’s Kermie.
“Hi-Ya right in the ladybits” got me chortling too.
Everyone loved that line! I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it….
This was hilar! Although, I loved the mushy ending. Anywho, back to the topic at hand, Miss Piggy definitely needs to get herself a real guy. No seriously, not a muppet, but like an actual human being. It shouldn’t be that weird since she was dating a frog for like 20-odd years. Thoughts?
I’m pro dating a human being for Miss Piggy- although, I stand by my Fozzie Bear recommendation.
Nice!
I adored this, I was laughing so hard my sister came to see what was so funny. She asked who Fozzy Bear was so I am now finding videos of the muppets, so thanks I get to have a legitimate to watch Miss piggy again!!
Yay! I’m glad you’re educating your sister on the Muppets!
Amazing!! When I was little I had a poster of her over my bed rocking a lavender silk karate uniform. Pig Power! Thanks for setting her straight about what she deserves. (no offense, kermie).
Happy to do it. Sometimes, you just have to have an imaginary intervention.
This is great…way to look out for Miss Piggy! But you better watch your back; she can be a mean piece of bacon when someone messes with her frog!
True story! I’ve hired a bodyguard just in case.
“Hi-Ya right in the lady bits”, gosh where do you come up with these crazy stuff! Hilarious post!!!
To be honest, I’m not completely sure. But I’m glad it makes you laugh!
This was great — intervention rather than interview.
It shows how much you care.
I care so much!
Ha! Love this – especially the HI-YA part. And oooooh GotC and Mystery Man – color me intrigued!!
Color me happy because mystery man is all that is wonderful.
I almost peed myself reading Hi-Ya and lady bits:) Great post!
Thank you much! That seems to be the winning line…
she’s be better off with Janice
True that! Point well made.
This was awesome!!!
Thank you!
“Hi-Ya right in the ladybits” almost made me snort my coffee out through my nose
Mission accomplished.