As you all know, Jules from GoGuiltyPleasures won the first ever “Guess What?” game by appealing to my vanity and saying I would look great with a pink faux-hawk. Let this be a lesson to all of you- flattery will get you everywhere. But maybe not anymore, because now I’m on to you. So, Jules let me interview her and this is that interview. Prepare yourselves for epicness.
This is the first image result when you google “Jules”.
GotC: Jules, if you had to measure your love for me in cotton candy, how much would it be?
Jules: It would be enough cotton candy to make a golden fleece, like the one in Percy Jackson & The Olympians Book 2 (“The Sea of Monsters”). Except instead of attracting half goat/half man folk, it would attact rich, sexy men with British accents. (Wait. Does that happen in the end? I still have a few more chapters to go.)
GotC: Your answer is satisfactory. And don’t worry, you haven’t ruined the book for anyone. Follow-up question: How did you get so funny?
Jules: A steady diet of vodka and shamelessness.
GotC: I see your vodka and shamelessness and raise you champagne and awkwardness. Who would win in a foot race between us?
Jules: You would win. I only agreed to race in the first place because I like Spandex and someone told me there would be snacks thrown at me along the way.
GotC: Wait. Snacks *aren’t* going to be thrown at us? Let’s just call it a tie. What was your favorite board game as a child? And, if you were to kidnap and force marriage on any celebrity, who would it be? (Those two questions are related- I don’t know how, but they are).
Jules: Hungry, Hungry Hippos. All. The. Way. That shiz got violent in my house. And it completely relates to the celebrity I would capture and force marriage on, because I would use Hungry, Hungry Hippos as inspiration to execute the kidnapping. That is to say, when the time is right, I shall surprise Darren Criss by throwing dozens of white marbles at his feet. When he trips and falls, I’m going to cover (“devour”) him with a green hippo suit and throw him in the back of my mom’s van, crying, “I win! I win!”
In you’re wondering, yes, I am having second thoughts about publicizing this plan. Poor Second Husband, the butt of my jokes again. But I love him. So much. He’ll forgive me, right?
GotC: After going to so much trouble to prove your love to him, he will definitely forgive you. He might even go willingly. I would lure Ryan Gosling into my van by playing Johnny Cash on the ukelele then force him to play scrabble with me all the rest of our days. It will be magical- what every girl dreams of! Why do you blog?
Jules: I hope you’re practicing your two-letter words. That’s a great question. I started a blog because Peppermeister (my husband) encouraged me to as a way to start writing again. I assume in the near future this will result in both fame and fortune and I will never have to drive again (I hate driving). I really knew nothing about blogging when I started Go Guilty Pleasures in February, so the biggest surprise has been how much I enjoy the blogging community. You guys are the wind beneath my mother-loving wings, okay? Now please stop embarrassing me.
GotC: Sheesh. Why don’t you cry about it a little more? Just kidding. How much eyeliner is too much? Inquiring minds want to know.
Jules: I would like to answer this question with a picture.
GotC: So, what you’re saying is “No there is no such thing as too much eye make-up. And also, I’m going to cheat on my fake second husband Darren Criss with Bret Michaels.” Follow-up question, Bret Michaels?
Jules: Yes, except the exact opposite. Bret Michaels is an example of how much is too much eye make-up, and <gasp> could never come between me and fake second husband Darren Criss. Although I’m not sure who would win in an arm wrestling match. (I do know who would win in a fastest-bandana-putting-on contest.)
GotC: Poor Bret. This interview is going to break his heart. But, I guess every rose has it’s thorn. Have you ever met a cast member of the Jersey Shore. If so, how long did it take you to wash the ickiness off your soul?
Jules: Tragically, despite being born and raised in New Jersey, my closest link to the Jersey Shore cast is the fact that my sister works with Snooki’s boyfriend’s cousin (who, incidentally, is very supportive via Facebook of her physical fitness).
…Yes, I said physical fitness, and no, I’m not sure how she and I are related.
GotC: That’s ok. I didn’t meet one person from The Real World Austin house. What’s your favorite Spice Girls song? (Note: I will judge you harshly for your answer)
Jules: I am a Spice Girls purist. My favorite song is “Wannabe” all the way. Thank you for asking.
GotC: Of course. It would have been impolite not to. And your answer was correct, congratulations!!! Now for our final and most important question: What is your favorite flavor of sno-cone?
Jules: The flavor that tastes like Reese’s peanut butter cups. In fact, do you have any? I’ll trade you this Sno-cone.
So, I think we can all agree that Jules and I can’t be friends anymore because she is funnier than me. It’s really sad because I liked her a lot. The winners of my this weeks “Guess What?” are Random
, and k8edid
. Yes, that’s right. It was a three-way tie and anyone who is a winner knows that is the best kind of tie. You three have an email heading your way, jus try not be funnier than me.