Hey girl. Today’s imaginary interview is with Ryan Gosling. You like that don’t you? I know you do. (Note: If you don’t get all the “Hey girl” references then click on the image. Now you get it.)
GotC: Hey Ryan.
Ryan Gosling: Hey…..Girl on the Contrary.
GotC: Why so formal lover? You can call me Girl.
Ryan Gosling: Oh. I get it. You want me to say “Hey Girl.”
GotC: Deep down in your heart- you wanted to say it.
Ryan Gosling: Yeah I did.
GotC: So….why does it feel like the most beautiful woman in the world is in this room?
Ryan Gosling: Are you talking about yourself?
GotC: Oh. No…..it’s just the first pick-up line that showed up in Google when I googled “pick-up lines”.
Ryan Gosling: I think it’s for guys to use on girls.
GotC: I believe you are correct. Ummm…so….you want to make like a fabric softener and snuggle?
Ryan Gosling: Are you trying to pick-me up?
GotC: What?! No. Sheesh. Why would you think that? Wow, you’re really conceited. I don’t know where you would get an idea like that.
Ryan Gosling: I would have to say I got that idea from the pick-up lines you’re using on me.
GotC: Seems like a bit of a logic leap to me but let’s just agree to disagree.
Ryan Gosling: Let’s get on with the interview.
GotC: Uh. I think you forgot to say something.
Ryan Gosling: Fine. Hey girl. Let’s get on with the interview.
GotC: Right you are. What’s your favorite humor blog written by a contrary girl who lives in Austin TX?
Ryan Gosling: I guess with those parameters, I would have to say yours.
GotC: Oh my! Flattery will get you everywhere Mr. Gosling.
Ryan Gosling: I think the saying goes “Flattery will get you nowhere.”
GotC: That is correct but you+me+flattery=everywhere. It’s a simple mathematical equation.
Ryan Gosling: This is becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me.
GotC: You feel it too? Our chemistry is palpable.
Ryan Gosling: Please move on to the next question.
GotC: If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman….
Ryan Gosling: I’m going to stop you right there and say sure, whatever. Next question.
GotC: (Aside to self) There’s hope yet Girl on the Contrary. When the apocalypse happens you will totally be Ryan Gosling’s girlfriend, assuming we both live through it. I like those odds!
Ryan Gosling: I can hear you.
GotC: I know you can boo. I know you can. We are so in sync but not *NSYNC because Justin Timberlake totally should have had your back and asked you to be in that band. Mickey Mouse Clubbers are supposed to stick together.
Ryan Gosling: I would say I’ve faired pretty well without being the member of a boy band.
GotC: You’re so strong. In like, both ways someone can be strong. Can we do the lift from Dirty Dancing now?
Ryan Gosling: Obviously. I’ve had the time of my life.
GotC: Is it ok with you if I get a tattoo of your face with the quote “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” I know you weren’t in that movie but it just seems so right.
Ryan Gosling: Nothing would make me happier.
GotC: You forgot something again.
Ryan Gosling: Sorry. Hey girl. Nothing would make me happier.
Best imaginary interview yet. Mostly because, well, it’s Ryan Gosling and even thought it’s imaginary (and seriously kids, I want to stress *imaginary* because I really don’t want to get sued) it’s still RYAN GOSLING.
Ideas for next week’s imaginary interview?