Hey girl. Today’s imaginary interview is with Ryan Gosling. You like that don’t you? I know you do. (Note: If you don’t get all the “Hey girl” references then click on the image. Now you get it.)
GotC: Hey Ryan.
Ryan Gosling: Hey…..Girl on the Contrary.
GotC: Why so formal lover? You can call me Girl.
Ryan Gosling: Oh. I get it. You want me to say “Hey Girl.”
GotC: Deep down in your heart- you wanted to say it.
Ryan Gosling: Yeah I did.
GotC: So….why does it feel like the most beautiful woman in the world is in this room?
Ryan Gosling: Are you talking about yourself?
GotC: Oh. No…..it’s just the first pick-up line that showed up in Google when I googled “pick-up lines”.
Ryan Gosling: I think it’s for guys to use on girls.
GotC: I believe you are correct. Ummm…so….you want to make like a fabric softener and snuggle?
Ryan Gosling: Are you trying to pick-me up?
GotC: What?! No. Sheesh. Why would you think that? Wow, you’re really conceited. I don’t know where you would get an idea like that.
Ryan Gosling: I would have to say I got that idea from the pick-up lines you’re using on me.
GotC: Seems like a bit of a logic leap to me but let’s just agree to disagree.
Ryan Gosling: Let’s get on with the interview.
GotC: Uh. I think you forgot to say something.
Ryan Gosling: Fine. Hey girl. Let’s get on with the interview.
GotC: Right you are. What’s your favorite humor blog written by a contrary girl who lives in Austin TX?
Ryan Gosling: I guess with those parameters, I would have to say yours.
GotC: Oh my! Flattery will get you everywhere Mr. Gosling. 
Ryan Gosling: I think the saying goes “Flattery will get you nowhere.”
GotC: That is correct but you+me+flattery=everywhere. It’s a simple mathematical equation.
Ryan Gosling: This is becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me.
GotC: You feel it too? Our chemistry is palpable.
Ryan Gosling: Please move on to the next question.
GotC: If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman….
Ryan Gosling: I’m going to stop you right there and say sure, whatever. Next question.
GotC: (Aside to self) There’s hope yet Girl on the Contrary. When the apocalypse happens you will totally be Ryan Gosling’s girlfriend, assuming we both live through it. I like those odds!
Ryan Gosling: I can hear you.
GotC: I know you can boo. I know you can. We are so in sync but not *NSYNC because Justin Timberlake totally should have had your back and asked you to be in that band. Mickey Mouse Clubbers are supposed to stick together.
Ryan Gosling: I would say I’ve faired pretty well without being the member of a boy band.
GotC: You’re so strong. In like, both ways someone can be strong. Can we do the lift from Dirty Dancing now?
Ryan Gosling: Obviously. I’ve had the time of my life.
GotC: Is it ok with you if I get a tattoo of your face with the quote “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” I know you weren’t in that movie but it just seems so right.
Ryan Gosling: Nothing would make me happier.
GotC: You forgot something again.
Ryan Gosling: Sorry. Hey girl. Nothing would make me happier.
FIN
Best imaginary interview yet. Mostly because, well, it’s Ryan Gosling and even thought it’s imaginary (and seriously kids, I want to stress *imaginary* because I really don’t want to get sued) it’s still RYAN GOSLING.
Ideas for next week’s imaginary interview?
Loved this interview. I never cared much for Ryan Gosling until I saw Lars and the Real Girl. Now I love him.
I love that movie so much!!!
I know!! Can I tell you that I cry blubbery tears at that fake girl’s funeral? Every. Single. Time.
And I just ache for him to get it together enough to be able to go after that cute little awkward girl. It’s like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. I know how it’s going to end and yet I feel the anxiety and anticipation every time – even though I’ve seen it/read it about 25 times. If only all movies and books would do that for us.
Me too. Me too.
<3 it! Sorry you felt Charlie Sheen was a no-go. I think if anybody could handle him, you could. Ashton Kutcher?
I haven’t totally ruled out Charlie Sheen- I just need to think on him a bit more. Ashton Kutcher is a definite candidate though as he has featured in my imagination before.
I’m older so Ashton has entered my mental arena.
As far as Charlie…maybe he’ll ask you to be a “Goddess”! Now how many times have you been propositioned with that one? 
You would be surprised….
GotC, I don’t know what it is about you (yes I do), but for the duration of this interview, I was utterly convinced it was a real. I went into it not even liking Ryan Gosling like that, and now… well, I won’t say Darren Criss is looking worse, but, I might just have room in my harem for Third Husband.
This was Hi.Larious!
Why would you ever want less than three husbands?
Ryan Gosling was a Mickey Mouse clubber?
Yes he was. He was the best of them.
Having made significant strides in your interviewing skills, I think you should go big time next week…either Chaz Bono or Hannibal Lechter.
Hannibal Lechter could be fun…..
of course if you really wanted to go big time with the hottest guy to come around since George Washington (and I hear he was hot hot hot even with the varnished teeth) you’d interview me…
This isn’t about hot. If this was about hot, I would interview the equator.
Hmmm well do you find Bradley Cooper or Gerald Butler hot?
I find them both hot.
I got a list here….let me know if you need help narrowing it down!!
Well, to be honest, I find them both to be a bit douchey, although that could make for a hilarious interview!
I will pretend you didn’t say that and offer more suggestions:
How about …… Penn Badgley… or whatever his last name is?
Ask him if there are relations with Froto?
Haha! I think you mean Frodo….not that I’m a LOTR nerd or anything. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to imaginary interview one of your celebrity crushes.
Really? I loved Gerard Butler in P.S. I Love You. Although, I can no longer watch it due to the emotional baggage the movie has for me. I hate when an ex basically ruins a movie for me.
Ok- good point. I actually did love him in that movie. Perhaps I should give him a second thought.
You know, he recently said he’s only going to make movies until he decides to have kids, then devote himself to that. If that’s not a blatant hint to you, I don’t know what is.
So true. He might as well have proposed to me in front of the world.
Haha.. I saw that interview yesterday where the ‘Hey Girl’ thing started, and as a Canadian I can confirm ‘Hey Girl’ is totally one of our things
I REALLY want to know what the interviewer wanted him to read ‘in Canadian’!
I know! I saw that too! Also, it makes my heart swell 10 times bigger that “Hey Girl” is a Canadian thing. It makes me feel like all of Canada is trying to tell me they love me.
This should be on imaginary E!
I don’t know. It’s pretty hard-hitting- maybe it should be on imaginary 20/20.
Or imaginary 60 Minutes. Although you’d have to add in that awkward dementia-or-no? element to cover imaginary Andy Rooney.
Oh yeah. That would be super awkward- which means I’ll probably do it.