I Wish Kids Were Dumber Than Me

Smart kid

I recently spent a couple days with my  13 year old cousin who is stunningly gorgeous and annoyingly intelligent as witnessed by the fact that she didn’t want to do even one of the many illegal things I offered her. I mean, how many chances does a 13 year old get to commit grand larceny? Not many. Someday she’ll be sorry she passed up the chance I offered her, that museum had enough Picasso paintings, they probably wouldn’t have missed one. Aside from turning down the many exciting criminal opportunities I offered her, she also asked very pesky questions like  “Don’t you think painting handlebar mustaches on famous works of art is wrong?” and “Shouldn’t you eat more than just a sno-cone for lunch?” to which I answered “Handlebar mustaches are always funny and sno-cones have a lot of nutrition value but you won’t understand that until you’re older.” Mischief managed. Oh, and then we had this conversion….

Cousin: What’s your job?

Me: Marketing.

Cousin: What do you want to do after that?

Me: Well, I would like to be a writer. I’m actually writing a book right now.

Cousin: What’s your plan B? ( I swear she said this with a tone of derision)

Me: Oh……..uh……..well, I really want to be a writer.

Cousin: I would like to have a career in music but that’s probably not going to happen. You have to live in the *real* world.

Me: Your parents didn’t let you watch many Disney movies, did they?

Cousin: *Blank stares*

Me: You know, if you work really hard and practice a lot, I bet you could make it in music. You just have to put in a lot of work.

Cousin: Get real.

Me: You’re a real downer.

As if getting completely shattered by a non-magic believing, naysaying, 13 year-old wasn’t bad enough, her 2 year old brother followed her up with this.

Me: Do you need to go potty?

Him: In fact, I don’t.

Me: Oh. You know, at 2, a simple “no” would suffice.

These kids are making me feel like a proper idiot. Didn’t kids used to be dumber than adults??? Let’s go back to that please.

38 thoughts on “I Wish Kids Were Dumber Than Me

  1. Whaaaat! I want a career in music AND as a writer, too. But who cares about the real world or being logical?! I’m still a kid and I am deliberately ignoring making a plan B!!

  2. LOL that was awesome xD Worst 13 year-old life ever! Who HASN’T watched at least one Disney movie? I mean, come on people!

  3. Noah (laughing): You’re a meanie.
    Me: You’re a weenie (good parenting, I know – hey it RHYMED)
    Noah: You wish you had one.

  4. I am sorry for your cousin. If we stop dreaming, we won’t even try and if we won’t try, the tiniest possibiltiy of achieving what we want is finished. and who said by getting “real”, you can be happy…

  5. Where is there to go for a 13-year-old who doesn’t intend to be an Olympic-Rock Star-Astronaut-Model? Either hyper-serious, or else at 30 become a wanderer, dream-consultant, spell-caster, musician.

  6. ha ha ha… your family will still make you write good books

    there’s a song which says in portuguese: ”I made sure of forgetting/ that lyin’ to myself is always the worst lie/ But I’m not that young anymore / to knowing everything about everything”…

  7. Too funny. I find conversations like that to be normal with my grandchildren as well. I think television is to blame for the “false” worldliness. They aren’t really as mature as they sound. LOL

  8. Haha. I have a toddler. I’m learning motherhood is great for all the warm, loving magic and all that, but mostly it’s a stellar lesson in You Is SO Dumb, Really.

  9. Ahahahahahha. Conversations with children always crack me up. The things they say tend to have one of two effect:
    1. Make me laugh uncontrollably for an indeterminable amount of time.
    2. Make me look like this >>> O.O
    Sometimes they got all moral and stuff, and it’s weird. We went out for dinner, and my brother brought a female friend. My 11 year old niece asked, “Is that his girlfriend? Wait… *looks disturbed* He was JUST with that other girl LAST WEEK. *looks distraught* I don’t… WHAT?! THAT’s *points in direction of new girl* his girlfriend?! What is he doing?? *hold head*”
    My response? I put my arm around her and said, “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”

  10. My theory is that the acceleration in technology is directly linked to the near genius of our youth. Apparently intelligence sometimes skips a generation. Also, grown-ups forget all that philosophy stuff when our heads become filled with grown-up stuff. Besides, being a grown-up means having sno-cones for lunch without feeling bad about it. (and we have access to alcohol)(which also destroys brain-cells – go figure!)

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