So, I overheard a conversation some teenagers were having at the movie theater the other day. It went a little something like this…
Girl 1: Oh my gosh! Thank you so much Adam! I can’t believe you actually opened the door for me.
Guy (Called Adam apparently): No problem. You can pay me back later in the backseat of my car.
Girl 1: Awww, chivalry is like totally not dead.
I think it’s crucial for you all to know that this girl wasn’t being sarcastic. This deluded teenage girl actually thought her boyfriend was being chivalrous in opening a door for her and then admitting he only did it in order to get some action in the backseat of his car. Hearing this conversation originally made me laugh- a lot. And then I started worrying about the future, because if these kids are our future then….holy hell are we all in trouble! So, I think we need to have a talk about chivalry.
Chivalry is related to the medieval institution of knighthood and it’s adherents valued the virtues of mercy, courage, valor, fairness, and protection of the weak and the poor. The more popular form of chivalry, and the one I’m sure that teenage girl was referring to, is courtly love. The basic idea behind this type of chivalry is that a “knight” is supposed to serve his lady before any thing else, and that he should treat all other ladies with the utmost respect and courtesy. So, I mean, I could be totally wrong about this, but it would seem that a guy opening the door for you in the hopes he would get laid in the backseat of his car later would not qualify as chivalry.
Had that Adam kid opened the door for her out of respect and good manners, sure, I would be willing to make the leap to chivalry, but the fact that when she said thank you, he flat-out told her he expected to be compensated with her sweet lovin in the backseat of his car disqualifies him from the chivalry category and immediately submits him as a top contender in the douchiest boyfriend category. C’mon kids. C’mon. No really, c’mon.
And don’t think I’m just baggin on the guy here. I’m equally upset that this girl not only accepted his douchiness as normal but went so far as to value and compliment it. Listen up girly, that is not chivalry. Not at all. He wasn’t being kind or respectful, he was being gross. And even if you wanted to get it on with him in the backseat of his car, which I have a hard time believing you did, you should have lost all interest the second he told you he expected it as some sort of payment. Ick. The proper response to that guy is ick. Unacceptable young lady. Totally unacceptable. And while we are on the topic here are a couple of other things that should never be mistaken as chivalrous by anyone.
When a guy texts or emails you a picture of his junk with the note “What d’ya think?” attached. This doesn’t mean he values your opinion.
When a guy buys you dinner….at a strip club. Sure, it’s nice of him to buy you a meal, but you’re paying a price here too lady.
When a guy criticizes your weight. He’s not being “honest”, he’s being an asshat.
Back to the ladies now. I also want to say that you should never expect a guy to wait on you hand and foot. If a guy shows you respect and treats you well, give him respect and treat him just as well. Men were not put on this planet to do nothing but serve and please us, just like we women weren’t put on this planet solely to serve and please them. You know, I say this a lot, but it really all boils down to common human decency. Just be kind to one another. Surely, it can’t be that difficult.
And to that teenage girl who thought her boyfriend was being chivalrous- Sweetheart, I assure you he wasn’t. There was nothing chivalrous about him. But, you were right about one thing, chivalry is like totally not dead. There are still considerate and thoughtful men out there who will treat you well, so why in the world would you waste your time with this douche-canoe? Think about it. Or don’t. Just don’t confuse douchebaggery with chivalry anymore. It’s pathetic and historically inaccurate. I don’t know what they are teaching kids in school these days.