Listen. I was in downtown Austin last weekend with some of my friends, having a few laughs, catching up, meeting up with other friends, the usual. We were walking from one bar to the next when the following happened…
Drunk Guy Yelling From His Friends Car: Hey pretty lady in the red shirt! What’s the deal???
Me (wearing a red shirt): Awww. Thanks! That is much appreciated.
Drunk Guy: What’s the deal, baybay???
Me: You’re so sweet. Have a good night, be safe!
All my friends were laughing hysterically. I guess they had never heard someone respond to a drunk heckler like that. But, as I reminded them, he wasn’t just heckling me. He was heckle flattering me. Which is acceptable. He wasn’t yelling out anything lewd or inappropriate, he was just asking me “what the deal” was.
Well, kind drunkard, the deal is this: I appreciate you thinking I’m a “pretty lady” and more than that I love that you pronounce the word “baby” as “baybay”, to me that says you are clearly a creative and interesting person. And I especially appreciated your flattery because I was in a group full of couples and feeling a little lonesome, when you reminded me that, unlike my couple friends, I could totally hook-up with a stranger that night. Not that I would. But I could. And that made the evening a lot less lonesome. All of the sudden, I wasn’t flying solo because no one asked me out, I was flying solo because I chose to be flying solo. It made a world of difference. Perhaps your drunkeness makes you more insightful and you could tell by my walk I needed that little confidence boost. Or, perhaps, you were just severely drunk and looking to get you some. Either way, I appreciate what you did for me.
On the other hand, I am not an object and I do not appreciate being objectified. I realized this the next day. Sure, at the time, I was flattered, but the next day when my feminist senses had returned to me, I was infuriated (and still a little flattered). Perhaps, Mr. Drunkard, you have never heard the song ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC. Well let me break it down for you homie. ” I don’t want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me, hanging out the passenger side of his best friends ride trying to holla at me.” T-Boz, Chili, and Left Eye knew what was up and I suggest you learn as soon as possible. While I was very glad that your friend was driving, because you were entirely too drunk to be behind the wheel, hollering at me from the passenger side of his ride did not make the best first impression. You came off very scrub-like. In the future, here are some tips to make your attempts at figuring out “what the deal” is more successful.
1. Don’t holla at a lady in a moving vehicle. It makes you seem like a coward/scrub. Besides, what would your plan be if she seemed amenable to sharing “what the deal” is? You were in a moving vehicle, think about it. While I may enjoy the idea of drive-by flirting (being a flirtation failure myself), it really has no potential to go anywhere.
2. Approach a lady with respect. Introduce yourself. Offer to buy her a drink. Be friendly. Talk to her a bit and then ask “What’s the deal?” You can’t just straight approach a lady with “What’s the deal?” That’s foolishness.
3. Try not to yell.
4. Try not to be crazy drunk.
5. Maybe “What’s the deal?” isn’t the best line. You might want to try something else. Although, it did make me laugh, which is a good ice-breaker…..ummm…..just use your best discretion.
So, to sum everything up. I was flattered. I was infuriated. I laughed. I fumed. I hope I taught you a good lesson. Thank you drunk guy yelling from his friend’s car, if not for the flattery, then for giving me material for my blog. It is much appreciated.